The Argosy, January 1906 — page 86: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

268 had the usual effect of quieting the Cannon. “Yow re all crazy!” shouted Captain Hackett, the Life-Preserver. “ This ain't Washington. This is the insane asylum, but you’re all too gone in the head to know it.” “Say, Life-Preserver, I believe you’re a Spaniard!” shrieked the Torpedo- Boat. “Well, whatever I am, ve got good common sense!” retorted the Life- Preserver. “ That’s more than the rest of you’ve got. I’m better than all of you. What good’s a cannon, Id like to know? What good’s a torpedo-boat or a Washington Monument? Tm _ the only useful article here. [I’m a life- preserver, but I’m out of my natural element.” “And pray, sir,” inquired President Mcltinley gravely, “what is your nat- ural element?” This question was always a signal for Captain Hackett to make a speech. “Gentlemen,” said he, arising, “water is my natural element. The sea! That’s it. I’m a life-preserver, and I’m proud of it. In other words, I used to be Captain Tom Hackett, of the schooner Three Boys, until I lost my ship off the Jersey coast. Then I was for some time a lifé-saver at Atlantic City. The rest I only half remember, but now I’m made of cork and I’m only a life-preserver. “TI eouldn’t tell you how many lives I saved in those days. I don’t remem- { 7 ber. °*Tain’t so long ago, either—not more’n ten years, I guess. Why did I quit ? “Well, one day I went out after a land-lubber that got into deep water. I got tangled up in the iron pier, butted my head against one of the piles, “and was knocked senseless. Somehow I got to shore, or, I guess, the other lfe- savers got me there. Anyway, I got there. But when I come to, my head wasn’t right. I had got an idea into it that I was made of cork, and I guess I am. ““ After that I was a life-preserver— I know that. Then I got here one day; I don’t know how. I guess they put me here, thinking I was crazy. But I ain’t. The rest of you are, but I ain’t. TPve THE ARGOSY. got sense enough to know this ain’t Washington. Tm a life-preserver, and I’m out of my natural element, and that’s the sea.” Captain Hackett sat down and looked about for the nods of approval which usually followed his little speech. “Guess the Life-Preserver ain’t a Spaniard, after all,’ remarked the Monitor. “I believe he’s a spy!” shrieked the Torpedo-Boat. “Ha! ha! The enemy’s fleet is com- ing down upon us!” shouted the Admi- ral, interrupting the conversation by jumping to his feet suddenly. He was staring across the asylum’s broad lawn at a man approaching the place where they sat. “Sit down and be sensible, mate,” said the Life-Preserver. “ That’s a vis- itor. Don’t make a fool of yourself.” “Ha! ha! I will cable the President for instructions!” exclaimed Admiral Dewey, not heeding the Life-Preserver’s advice. A corpulent gentleman, middle-aged and well dressed, toiled laboriously up the gravel walk, perspiring freely in the hot sun, and pausing now and then to catch his breath and wipe his forehead with a white silk handkerchief. The old men upon the porch of build- ing No. 9 watched him in silence as he drew near. When the stranger reached the porch, he paused for a moment, and his eyes went from one to another of the twelve men sitting there. Then he walked up the steps, went over to the old man who called him- self President McKinley, and grasped his hand. “Sam, my dear fellow,” he _ said, shaking the old man’s hand heartily, “Tm glad to see you. You’re looking well, and you haven’t changed much in a dozen years. I was afraid I wouldn’t recognize you when they told me over at the office that I might find you here without assistance.” For answer, President McKinley stared at the visitor without a sign of recognition, and said, “I suppose you are a foreign minister, come to see me upon business of state. Or, let’s see. It might be that you’re Mark Hanna. I forget.” Eomicboo (@) (E(0) ime