Adventure Magazine Cover — page 161: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When East Met West I’m cautious, as I said before. This here idea of havin’ a pretty school teacher come to us and hoodle us into doin’ somethin’ that our hearts tell us is dangerous don’t set so good. I’ve heard this same kind of stuff before, and so has Dirty; but any old time a pretty girl smiles at Dirty, it’s just another old Garden of Eden and a lot of apples. She don’t tell us what we’re supposed to do, but she does ask us. to promise to help ‘em out. Well, what can yuh do in a case like that? Me and Dirty goes back to Buck’s place, where we massages our in- sides with Buck’s Best. ‘And lemme tell you somethin’ <Back liquor sure tempers the wind to the sheared sheep. Ten years ago he bought a barrel of it. He sells on an average of two or three gallons a day, and that barrel is still over half-full. It has never weakened, as far as we can taste. After while Magpie and Wick comes into the place. Dignified? My ——.,, they act like a pair of royal flushes. “Greetin’s, Mr. Masterson,” says Mag- pie lofty-like. ‘How goes things this day and date?” “Well, all right,” says Buck, bein’ kinda dazed. ‘‘How did the meetin’ go?” “Perfect,” says Magpie. “The die is cast. The ladies’ auxiliary is in complete accord with us and we all feel that it will be a day to date time from. Piperock will emerge from her shell and take her place among the cities of the world.” “The ladies" what?” asks Dirty. “A explains Wick. is president. 1 is an a-ad—uh—— “Adjunct,” prompts Magpie. “I know it,” says Wick. “There’s my wile, who is president, and the followin’, to wit: Mrs. Wick Smith, Mrs. Pete Gonyer, Mrs. Yuma Yates, Mrs. Mighty Jones, and Miss Hilda Hansen. Of course the list is not complete, as it were, and we expect more. However, we have a quorum, et cet- tery, ad libitum.” “T s’d hope sho,” says Dirty, gettin’ dig- nified. “What ’bout Mish Jasm’n Green- baum? Ain’t she invited t’ j’in?”’ “Miss Jasmine Greenbaum is actin’ in an advisory capacity,” explains Magpie. “Tt kinda makes her feel free to do as she wishes. We're leavin’ a lot of it to her imagination.” “What was Testament and Ricky and Mike doin’ up here?” asks Buck. “My wite 159 “Kinda gropin’ around,” says Magpie. “They heard that we was due to progress, and of course they had to come and see what it was about. I told ’em about Pipe- rock acquirin’ a Chamber of Commerce and three jungle curiosities. They don’t sabe the idea of the Chamber, but they offers to take the animals at a slight advance over what Piperock paid.’ “What did you say?” asks Wick anxious- like. “T told ’em to go te——. Them animals ain’t for sale.” “‘Ain’t they?” asks Wick. “At more’n ¥ paid? Magpie, I’d like to have the say-so over them critters myself. I own ’em, don’t I? They ain’t Piperock’s animals until Piperock has a bill-of-sale for ’em. I sure as —— don’t thank yuh for what you’ve done to me.” _““Where’s yore public spirit?” asks Mag- pie. “Thassall right,” complains Wick. “T’ve got more public spirit than most folks, I reckon; but a thousand dollars is a thou- sand dollars. If Paradise wants to pay me more’n I paid—they git ’em, by gosh!” “You'd make a fine president for the Chamber of Commerce,” says Magpie. “Allright,” says Wick. “If you can think of anythin’ else that’s funny, Pll listen.” “Yore livestock are eatin’ up dollars,” says I. “Yeah, and that’s another thing,” wails Wick, pawin’ at Magpie’s sleeve. “Who’s goin’ to pay their board?” “Gunga Din eats a bale of hay every fif- = minutes,” offers Dirty Shirt solemn- e. ““He—he does?” “He—he do,” nods Dirty. “The last bale was two pounds short; so Gunga Din ate Hassayampa’s pants for dessert. Them there tigers will eat a whole cow for a meal and you know what cows are worth right now.” “Magpie—”’ Wick is almost cryin’ by this time—‘‘Magpie, I asks you as a friend— what’ll I dor” “Have patience, Wickie.” “Have ——! . I'll go down there and mas- sacree all three of them monstrosities, that’s what Pll do, by gosh!” “And lose yore thousand dollars, eh?” Magpie shakes his head. “Wick Smith, you ain’t hardly fit to help us build up Piperock.” Gomicbooks.com