Adventure Magazine Cover — page 158: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

156 | don’t have no zoo. He says they’re all put- tin’ ’em in in the East, and that no town can ever be an attraction unless it’s got a ZOO. “Well, me and Wick has a few drinks with him and got to talkin’ it over with him. He says he’s got the ingredients of a first-class zoological menagerie, and that he’s got a idea of puttin’ the proposition up to Para- dise. He’sgotaelephant. Of course it ain’t no first class elephant, bein’ as it’s kinda run down from travelin’ so much. “The camel is—well, it ain’t noways in full plumage, but it’s a camel. The tiger seems to be as good as tigers go. He says he'll take a thousand dollars for the whole bunch. “Course he tells us how much we’d have to pay if we bought them animiles at retail price; but he kinda lumps ’em to- gether and gives ‘em to us at cost. “Wick Smith is public-spirited, and after I tells him what we’ll do about organizin’ a Chamber of Commerce, he ups and buys them animiles on the spot. The feller throws in the cage free gratis for nothin’; so that saves us quite a lot. I figures that We can pick up a grizzly and a wolf and mebbe a mountain lion to kinda add to our z00. Folks will come a long ways to look at wild animiles, Ike—a long ways.” Me and Dirty looks at each other and goes out to unpack, while Magpie goes ahead on Piperock’s epitaph. IT’S been quite a while since we put our foot on the rail; so we hurries up to Buck Masterson’s saloon, where we runs into Wick smith and “Mighty” Jones. Mighty and Dirty Shirt ain’t no relation. Mighty is a little jigger, who thinks he’s big enough to » hold his own. That’s one reason why Mighty is mostly always on crutches. He swears in a tenor voice and chaws his to- bacco. Buck greets us gladly, but Wick don’t seem so happy. “You fellers been prospectin’ again’?” asks Buck. “Yeah, and we’re goin’ ag’in,” says Dirty Shirt. “This here town is gettin’ too danged effete to suit me and Ike.” “It is effete,” agrees Mighty. ‘‘Ain’t been nobody killed for two weeks.” “Cheer up, brother,” says Wick solemn- like. “There’s allus a lull before a storm.” “You preparin’ to massacre?” I asks. Adventure ‘Well, I ain’t been treated right,” says Wick. “I done paid a thousand cold dol- lars for some jungle insects, and I’m won- derin’ jist how J’m goin’ to cash in on said contraptions. Magpie Simpkins got me drunk and talked me into bein’ a public benefactor, dang his hide. “Got me to procure the ingredients of a zoological garden, that’s what he done. Got the whole town heated up over a thing he calls the Piperock Chamber of Commerce, and then goes out and gits him- self elected president. That’s a —— of a way to do, ain’t it?” “You wanted to be president, eh?” I asks. “Well, , why not. I bought the thing, didn’t IP Magpie said that Piperock would pay me back for it. How’ll they do it, ’'d like to know. Mebbe I’m supposed to raffle ’em off, eh?” “T won’t buy no chances,” says Buck. “T’ve been down to the livery-stable and got a look at them there animals, and I’m free to state that I don’t want none. Magpie orates that we'll have ’em to attract more folks to Piperock. My ——, that bunch will drive away what we’ve got.” “Tf I had that elephant,” said Mighty, “T’d shore take a reef in him. His hide don’t fit him no place. He ain’t no attraction— he’s a disgrace. From the rear he looks like ‘Polecat’ Perkins in his Sunday pants. Wick, you ort to give him a belt to take up the slack.” “That’s why he’s an attraction,” de- clared Wick. ‘The feller I bought him from said that Gunga Din was a rare species of elephant. His name’s Gunga Din. My , he ort to be good. I paid three hun- dred and thirty-three dollars and _thirty- three and one-third cents for him. That camel and the tiger cost the same.” “T think that Magpie’s crazy,” say I. “How about me?” wails Wick. “TI paid for em myself.” “Yore wife’s callin’ yuh, Wick,” observed Buck. Wick squints toward the door and nods sadly. “Yeah, I left her to run the store while I talks over my sorrow. Now I’ve got to go back and git agin’. She don’t believe in Chambers of Commerce, she don’t; and I’m commencin’ to wonder if she ain’t right.”’ Wick pilgrims across the street, while me Gomichbooks.co p] -