Adventure Magazine Cover — page 157: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

When East Met West _ wounds. He’s got on a celluloid collar—one of them kind that it ain’t safe to smoke in. IT can smell stove polish, which Magpie has used on his boots. Take it all the-way around, Magpie, Simp- kins is a dude. “You ain’t got yore days mixed, have yuh?” I asked. “Days mixed?” He speaks like an actor—kinda runnin’ the scale in G flat, as yuh might say. “This ain’t Sunday,” says I. “T am well aware of it.” “Then what’s the idea of dressin’ up thisaway?” “The idea? Hah!’ He kinda swells up with importance. “I’m the president.” I looks quick at Dirty, who is starin’ at Magpie with his mouth wide open. Then he looks at me and shakes his head. “Tke,”’ says he hoarse-like, “I knowed it. By , the human brain can jist stand so much. He’s been feeblin’ up in the head for a long time. I’ve seen it comin’ on by de- grees, and I ain’t a mite surprized. There ain ’t nothin’ yuh can do, except to hopple em so they can’t hurt nobody.” Magpie looks at Dirty kinda funny and Dirty edges toward the door. “Better git a rope, Ike,” advises Dirty, backin’ again’ the door. “Them high- minded first symptoms is apt to degenerate into vi’lence, and we don’t want him to hurt nobody.” “Set down, you —— fool,” says Magpie. “T ain’t crazy.” “Proves it on himself,” declares Dirty nervous-like. “They all swear they ain’t. Look out for his first rush, Ike.” But [holds firm. To me he’s always been crazy; so I ain’t scared of an extra degree. “Democrat or Republican president?” I asks. “We didn’t git back in time for the convention, you remember.” : “Don’t try to be smart, Ike,” says he. “T plumb forgot that you fellers has been away. Since you was here, Piperock has advanced by leaps and bounds. Right now I am writin’ a biography of our fair city for all to read and appreciate how we have ad- vanced. It is marvelous.” “What is? The biography?” asks Dirty. “No—our advancement. Gentlemen, we are on the threshold of a wonderful era for Piperock. No more shall the rest of the world point a finger of scorn at our com- munity. No more shall they say that Pipe- oe eee rock is uncivilized, unbalanced. From this day henceforth we shall blossom like the rose. Our ideals shall and will be realized to the fullest extremity. How is that, Ike?” “Fits in with what we’ve just heard,? says I. ‘“‘And with the dawnin’ of a new day—” Magpie squints at his paper— ‘all these— that’s as far as I’ve got.” “‘And that’s a —— of a long ways, if you ask me,’ said Dirty Shirt solemn-like. “Now about bein’ president,” says I. “Yuh hadn’t ought to go that far, Mag- le.”’ “Hadn’t I? Huh! That’s who Iam, Ike. Look upon me. I am the first president of the Piperock Chamber of Commerce.” “What the —— kind of a thing is that?” asked Dirty. “Chamber of Commerce? Dirty Shirt, I’m surprized at you. It is an organiza- tion.” “Tt’s the same thing as the Chamber of Horrors,” says I, “only they deals in com- merce mostly. This one will prob’ly have horrors as a side-line.”’ “‘Nothin’ of the kind, Ike,” protests Mag- pie. ‘Piperock is past the age of swaddlin’ ~ clothes. We has emerged into the sunlight and it will be well for all other cities to look to their laurels. I wouldn’t be surprized to see Piperock one of the big cities of the world. We have everythin’ to make it big.” “Yeah, we’ve got a lot of country,” ad- mits Dirty Shirt. “Me and Ike came across twenty miles of it today, and there was more beyond where we started from. If you want to go east, west, north or south from here yuh can find a lot of open country. We've got room to build, that’s a cinch.” “But what would bring anybody here?” Tasks. ‘Folks won’t even come from Para- dise, except to a dance; and then they come to pick a fight. We ain’t got a —— of a lot to offer—except to somebody that wants trouble, Magpie.” “We will have, Ike. The idea was started in Paradise originally. Meand Wick Smith was down there last week and we went to see a tent show. It wasn’t much good and it wasn’t doin’ no business. Me and Wick got to talkin’ to the feller that owned the show and he told us all about his hard luck. “He says that a circus is a drug on the market now, and that animiles ain’t worth nothin’, except in a'zoo. He says that he’s really surprized that some of our towns comicbooks.com