Adventure Magazine Cover, April 3, 1918 — page 91: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Upside Down the road this morning, singing merrily, when I happens to see that busted crate in the road. I pulls up to see what it is, and my bronc danged near dumps me off. He’s scared at something in the brush, and when I spurs him over to see what it 1s, we scares out that blasted thing! “Not being responsible for my actions I takes down my rope and proceeds to annex the thing. Between that thing and my bronc, they makes life miserable for me, so I gets off and leaves ’em to their fate. The rope is wound around the bush between ’em so they can’t do nothing but stand there and contemplate each other.” “T don’t reckon there’s any doubt about it being uh grown bird,” states Magpie, fussing with uh cigaret. ‘‘Your perceptions are wide open, Mag- pie,” nods Chuck. “Wonder where it flew from. It ain’t no grouse nor yet it don’t partake of any of the requirements of the fool-hen. It might uh been uh humming- bird about the time this here world was started.” “She’s sure uh hummer,” I agrees. “If I’d been born with uh neck like that I’d uh died from delirium tremens years ago.” “Y’d opine that somebody done lost that crate off uh wagon, and maybe there’s something around to tell what and whose it is,’ says Magpie. We all pilgrims back to the road, and Chuck leads us to the busted bunch uh slats. On one side it says— DO NOT TEASE. On the other side, in letters uh foot high, it says— MAGPIE SIMPKINS PIPEROCK MONTANA We reads it over several times, and then Magpie steps back, cocks his yaller hat over one eye, sticks his thumbs in his belt and snorts— “That is Cassie!” ‘Make it Caspar,” says I. cassowary, Magpie.” “Fuh!” snorts Chuck. ‘You wise guys knowed all the time what it was, didn’t yuh? What yuh going to do with the thing? What in is it anyway?” “ “That thing, Chuck,” says I, ‘is what ““Tt’s uh male or Backwards 89 uh man buys in the East when he’s drunk up seven hundred dollars’ worth uh mixed hooch. Cassowary is uh French word what means, ‘something yuh bought when you're too drunk to consider the expense and necessity.’ ”’ “T always did like the French language,” states Chuck. “‘It sure is expressive that- away, ‘cause yuh don’t have to say much to mean uh whole lot. My mother was French. Name was Jones. Yuh pro- nounces it ‘Hones,’ the J being silent like the Q in cassowary.” “Well,” says I, ‘‘we got to do something, and, being as it belongs to you, Magpie, I reckon yuh better suggest.” But Magpie sucks away on that cigaret, and shakes his head. “T’d admire to hear all about it,” states Chuck. ‘There must be uh deep and dark mystery about that bird, Magpie. If I knowed the details about that bird’s past, maybe I could help yuh out.” Magpie is willing to receive help—as usual—so he sets down there and tells Chuck all about it —what he can remember. “How much do yuh think yuh paid for it?” asks Chuck. “You sure ought to remember that part of it.” “Dang me if I know,” replies Magpie. “Couple uh hundred, most likely. What yuh got on your mind, Chuck?” “Say, what good is uh cassowary? If she was worth something to humanity we might peddle the blasted thing. If folks had an idea it was—cripes!” “What’s the exciting thought, Chuck?” IT asks, but Chuck begins to roll uh fresh cigaret and grin to himself. Pretty soon he busts out laughing and slaps his quirt across his chaps. “By cripes,”’ he chuckles. nothing to try.” “Try what?” asks Magpie. “Say, if you gets your two hundred back will yuh give me all I can make over that?” “You answered your own question, Chuck,” declaresMagpie. ‘‘Youget us two hundred for that overgrown fool-hen and you can have the rest. What yuh going to do?” “That’s my business, Magpie. You and “Tt won’t cost Ike go along about your business, and don’t peep—no matter what happens. Here comes the stage.” Art Miller swings his four broncs around Sabe? GoOmicsdoo S (C@)