Adventure Magazine Cover — page 110: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

8 TOO Aloysius wrinkles up his brow and scowls at Tip. ‘“‘Where were we going?” “TI refuses to advance a prophecy,” says Tip, expectorating at a lizard. “I’m your guide and that’s all. You tell where you want to go and I'll take you there, y betcha.” “I want you to take me to my family,” says Aloysius, deliberate-like.: ‘If you are of any value as a guide you can do that!” “T ain’t—not thataway. I’m here to—— ‘You said you could guide me, didn’t your” “Yeah, I said that—shore; but I ain’t no wife-restorer. Daw-gone it, why don’t ou put hopples or a bell on her before you loses her for keeps?”’ “There’s Lord Washburn, too,” says Aloysius, as the threads of memory begins to tickle his brain, “and Bettina. Yes, there’s three of us missing. What do you suppose they think?” - > “Same kind of folks as you?” I asks. “Same kind? Why, they’re my people.” “Don’t worry then,” says I. ‘They likely ain’t missed you yet.” “But I absolutely need them,’ says he. “Lord Washburn is ‘““Here comes a wagon,” says Tip. ‘“May- be somebody is bringing ’em up here.’’ Be our wagon. Magpie Simpkins is perched up on the seat, herding our two pinto broncs, and beside him sets a female who only needs four more pounds of lard and an ambition to get into a side- show. Setting on a pile of plunder in the back is what I’d designate as Bettina and Lord Washburn. Bettina might ’a’ been good- looking—it’s all a matter of opinion, but Lord Washburn—oh, man! He’s got one of them walrus mustaches, a one-eyed spectacle and knee panties. 9 39 AROUND a turn in the road comes From his collar in the back to the crown’ of his head he is one succession of rolls, the same of which.makes a fellow wishful to puncture one with a pin and let the air out. Magpie skids them shy pintos up along- side of that machine and slams on the brake. He looks at me, winks one eye and sighs— “Well, folks, here we are.” “Haw!”’ says Lord Washburn. “Haw! Joke. Heard it before. Where had we ought to be?”’ Adventure 6c —— only knows,” says Magpie, sad- like. ‘Any old place except in the hills, I reckon.” ‘Aloysius Van Fleet,” says the old lady, glaring at the lion-hunter, “what do you mean by leaving us down there? If this gentleman hadn’t come along—well, I shud- der to think what might have happened. Can’t you never remember anything?” “Shucks,” says Tip. ‘“You’d ’a’ been all right.” : ‘‘Who asked your opinion?” asks the old lady. ‘‘Who are you anyway?” “I’m the—the—what am I?” at Aloysius, who shakes his head. “Well,” says Washburn, “I’d say we might as well dismount. After this I shall keep my eye on the car. The roads in this vicinity are beastly, don’t you know?” The lord and Bettina climbs down and we all sets around. Magpie looks at me and shakes his head. ““How’d you happen to come along?” I asks Lord Washburn. | “Really.” He-screws his glass into his eye and stares at me. “I have proffered my services to Doctor Van Fleet as nimrod extraordinary. We are here, as I under- stand it, in the interest of natural history, to photograph the wild beast in its own environment, and I am acting as a sort of body-guard to the doctor in case any of the animals should—er—annoy him.” ‘Ever done much shooting?” asks Magpie. “Tve shot with kings.” “What did the other fellow have?” asks Tip. “Aces?” Then I hears Aloysius’ voice raised in a high key: “My dear, I was so interested in our new guide that I never noticed you getting out of the car. He’s a jewel. Wonderful memory.” “Well,” says his wife, Pm glad you had sense enough to hire a good one. Bettina, my love, are you standing the trip?”’ “I think so, mamma,’’ squeaks Bettina, and then she says to Tip, “I beg your pardon, but can you tell me how long we will be here?”’ : ““Ma’am,” says Tip, “I am a guide, not a prophet. I was hired to find animals, not to make time-tables.”’ “Oh,” says Bettina. “Why are we stop- ping here?” “Ask your pa,” advised Tip. on the brakes.”’ Tip looks “He put cCOmiclboolks CO