Pickwick Abroad; or, The Tour in France — page 369: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

355 PICKWICK ABROAD. ‘*Good morning, gentlemen,” said Mr. Terry, addressing himself 5 F : , to every one present save Mr. Pickwick, on whom he darted a look of mingled scorn and contempt as he walked leisurely past him towards the door. ‘“ Now, then, coach is a-vaitin’,” suggested Mr. Weller, in order to hasten the motion of the discomfited Matrimonial Advocate; ‘* an’ the hosses is so precious full o’ beans, they von’t stand tor uobody nor nothin’, Brick valls u’dn’t stop ’em if they vonce got their full sving. So go it, my hearties, as the cripples said to the chaps as juniped in sacks at the country-fair.” Thus exciting Mr. Terry to increase his speed, Mr. Weller con- ducted that gentleman towards the front door of the suite of apart- ments; and when he had seen him fairly down one flight of stairs, he returned to his masters to ascertain their opinion of the queer visitor. ‘* Very singular things one sees in this world every day,” observed Mr. Snodgrass, as Mr, Weller re-entered the breakfast-room. ‘* But the profession of Matrimonial Advocate is the most remarkable I ever yet heard of.” “Them and adwertising-clerks is the rummiest chaps in existence,” said Mr. Weller ‘And pray what are advertising-clerks, Sam?’ demanded Mr. Pickwick, whose countenance had resumed its usual expression of kindness and philanthropy. “Lhem chaps as goes about collectin’ adwertisements for news- papers, and such like things,” elucidated Mr. Weller. ‘‘ Von on ’em vos vonce a partickler friend o’ mine: and wery many queer goes he vos up to, he vos. He knew a dodge or two, or I’m blowed. Wery rich he vos too in shifts, but blessed poor in shirts.” ‘““He must have been a man of very peculiar character,” remarked Mr. Pickwick. *“{T rayther think he vos, Sir,” returned Mr. Weller. ‘ Von day Dusty Bob—for that vos his name amongst his intimate friends—calls ona quack-doctor as had been adwertisin’ his pills like bricks in another paper, for vich Bob vosn’t engaged. The doctor takes him for a gratis-customer, and wery sharply asked him the natur’ of his com- plaint.—‘ My complaint !’ says Bob, who vos a Irishman from Kil- kenny: ‘an’ faith, doctor, it’s against yourself, for sendin’ your adwer- tisements to t’other paper Instead 0’ mine. So I’ve jist stepped in to perwent your honour’s honour from committing a like hact of injustice in future.’—‘ Injustice, friend,’ says the doctor: ‘there ain’t no injus- tice in the case. I gives my adwertisements vere I chooses, an? no mistake,’—‘ That’s the wery thing,’ says Bob, ‘of vich I have to com- plain; for as I puts money into your pocket, you ought for to return the compliment, any how. ‘The fact is,’ continues Bob, ‘ I’m von o’ your wery best customers, an’ I reckomends your pills to all the vorld. I’ve svallowed nineteen boxes on’em in the space o’two months; an’ I makes my vife and eleven small children svallow ‘em too ven they haven’t got nothin’ else to eat. Och! I knows vot’s good for ’em, if they don’t !"—‘ I’m wery much obleeged to you, my dear feller,’ says the doctor, softenin’ rayther in his manners, and tellin’ Bob to take a cheer; ‘wery much, indeed; but I’d like to be made aweer 0’ the: reason for your svallowin’ all them pills.’—‘ Reason, is it, doctor, that comicbooks.com .