The Grinder Papers — page 245: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

240 THE GRINDER PAPERS. tu pay fifty cents fur a snatch at things you couldn't get, arter all, and wouldn't ha’ ben worth nuthin’ ef you had. Shouldn’t a-had no turkey myself, only when I seen a great, long-armed critter o’ a man consumin’ the heft-o’ a turkey, I jest stuck my fork in under his arm and took the third help off his plate. ‘*Where! What! Who!” he hollers. ‘<Tt’s only me, Miss Charity Grinder, from Peekskill,” sez I, - “and I’m goin’ tu hev fair play and my doilar’s wuth.” As fur doughnuts, I speared them the length o’ the table with the sharp eend o’ my numberill, and got as many as | wanted. And as fur the hat, I didn’t put nuthin’ intu that when ‘twas handed round. So, considerin’ how't the pious portion o’ the congregation sot elevatin’ their noses, fur tu prove they was bet- ter than the rest, and the giddy ones sot tu work makin’ fun o’ folks, so’t a heathen would a blushed tu own ‘em fur relation- ship, the season was tol’rable agreeable. Of course it rained; but that was tu be expected, fur it allers rains when Sabbady schools goes a junketing. But when you make a pint o’ allers bein’ perwided with a numberill, rain ain't o’ no pertickler consequence. | Finally we arrived tu the romantic spot where we was tu lo- cate ourselves, and the folks begun tu rush like mad ashore. "Twas purty damp arter the rain, and brilin’ hot overhead, intu the bargain, but the scurtioners didn’t appear tu mind that. - As fur me, I pinned up my skirts and put up my numberill, and tried tu sot some o ’em a-taikin’, but they was tu much comicbooks.com—