Life, 1929-05-17 · page 42 of 52
Life — May 17, 1929 — page 42: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This column satirizes the futility and contradictions of 1930s naval disarmament diplomacy. The author (J.F.) mocks negotiations over "equivalent values" in naval strength, particularly criticizing how the U.S. appears trapped: propose fair terms and be exposed as imperialistic; propose biased terms and face accusations of blocking disarmament. The piece ridicules American hypocrisy regarding Prohibition enforcement. While diplomats debate peace, the government celebrates a Washington cop killing a bootlegger on the Anacostia Bridge, and the Treasury Department's private navy fires on a steamer. The author attributes this last incident cynically to Undersecretary Ogden Mills being "a Harvard man"—implying elite privilege excuses government violence. The satire highlights the contradiction between America's moral posturing in disarmament talks and its domestic lawlessness and violence during Prohibition.
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MUSCLES IVES PROMPT RELIEF | Gibson’s disarmament proposals at Geneva has positively embarrassed the Administration, as it immediately proved that we had talked ourselves into a bad hole. The theory of “equiv- alent values” in naval strength may make sense, technically speaking, but I shudder to think what the diplomats will do with it. The British will ob- viously come forward with a beautiful set of “equivalent values” which, when examined, will be found to leave the British Navy exactly as is, or a little under strength, but which will require us to scrap our new cruiser programme. Our Admirals will immediately start baying at the White House and run- ning around in Great Circles, where- upon, in indignant sorrow, our transat- lantic cousins will point the finger of Geneva at us and say, “Sic ‘em! an aggressor State!” On the other hand, if we rush for- ward with our own set of proposals we will be in another fix. If our “values” are biased in our own favor, we will promptly be exposed as shifty and imperialistic. If they are fair to all concerned, they will simply be used as a starting point for further conces- sions. And in the end, as usual, we will be accused of blocking the road to disarmament. No wonder that we now suggest that the new theory shall be applied in 1931. A lot can happen in two years. In the meantime, we have given away in advance our only bargaining point —insistence that military reserves be counted as part of land armaments. If | they aren't, naturally we can’t discuss naval bases and armed merchant ships as part of sca armaments, and the French like us for the first time since the Washington conference. The war between Good and Evil continues. Senator Heflin complains that a beer bottle was hurled at him in Massachusetts and demands an in- vestigation. The House of Repre- sentatives burst into officially re- corded applause, when told how a Washington cop killed a young boot- legger on the Anacostia Bridge. The fact that the Treasury Depart- ment’s private navy fired on the steamer “T. A. D. Jones” is explained on the theory that Undersecretary Ogden Mills is a Harvard man. —]. F. Life in Washington| The paean of European praise over | «Act this vivid season when the attractions of New York take on a heightened interest, The ROOSEVELT beckons to those of cul. tivated taste...A hotel alive to the Pleasant usages of city life with a spirit, an appeal, a gracious air, quite dis. tinctly its own. Use a Tablespoon in a Glass of Ginger Ale or Water. A Good Tonic and Palatable. ——— Sample of Bitters by mail 25 cts. Cc. W. ABBOTT & CO. Baltimore, Md. MUMOROUL ni wuysTRATiON fe Dar Now you can enjoy a really up-to-date training, in this attractive fiel full of sparkle and dash— a radical departure and pleasant relief from old fashioned courses and an- ioaed methods. Pre- for a career in this slip tful, A, well paid Pro- fae Write for free il- lustrated book, “The Last Word in Humorous Illus- tration.” The Russell Patterson School Michigan Ave. at 20th St., Dept. 5 CHICAGO, ILL. comicbooks.com