Life, 1928-10-12 · page 11 of 44
Life — October 12, 1928 — page 11: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three distinct pieces of satirical content: **"The Hollywood Freshman"** (poem): Satirizes how Hollywood studios manufacture stardom by orchestrating enthusiastic receptions for newcomers—deans shake hands, faculty greet them, orchestras play—creating the illusion of earned prestige when really it's studio marketing (referencing motion pictures). **"Modern Arithmetic"**: A humorous dialogue where a father tries explaining airplane engine calculations to his son using increasingly complex math about motor speed and altitude, culminating in the child's impatient "Come here, quick! Papa's having a nosebleed!"—satirizing overly technical explanations. **"There Are Others"**: A brief joke about social pretension: one man brags his son is "one in a hundred," another responds the son is a bank vice-president, suggesting ironic commentary on privilege and status. The page reflects 1920s-30s American humor about Hollywood promotion, technical jargon, and class.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Tue Boy: HEY! Look out for my kite! Modern Arithmetic “Watt, Willie! Having trouble with your kessons again? A big ten-year-old boy like you worrying over a simple little prob- kem? Just tall Papa what it is and he'll figure it out in a jiffy!” “It doesn’t look hard, Pop, but I can’t xem to get the right answer. If two motors are doing 2456 r.p.m. and the third motor is only doing 2389 r.p.m., and the plane’s altimeter shows it drops joo feet and climbs back up 345.65 feet cry time it hits an air bump, and every third bump is 3456 feet from the last one and the others are 4356.8 feet apart, how long will it take the plane to reach an altitude of 23,456 feet if one of the motors after 12.4 land miles should suddenly go dead and the other two drop back to 2345 tpm., and the headwind is 34 miles an hour up to 14.567 feet and then increases 134 miles an hour for each 347 feet of altitude. And you get started, Pop, by figuring out how fast the plane goes by assuming that if all three motors are doing 2456 r.p.m., the cruising speed. . .. Mama! :++.Mama!....Come here, quick! Papa’s just done a nosedive from his chair and cracked up on the floor!” Chet Johnson. THERE ARE OTHERS ‘ks: My boy is one in a hundred! What does he do? Hayxs: He’s vice-president of a bank. Wuart this country needs is a pugilist who will go on a camping trip with Jim Tully. The Hollywood Freshman Wuen comes the frisky freshman to The sacred Halls of Knowledge, He’s met by everybody who Attends his chosen college. The dean comes down to shake his hand, The co-eds throng to meet him, The faculty and college band With waving pennants greet him. (At least, they do from what I've seen Upon the moving picture screen.) Within a week the orders Greek, To lift a social stigma, Have made the lad a full-fledged “Deke” Or Alpha Beta Sigma. The stripling scoffs at lordly sophs, And though his marks are zero, His fraters and bewhiskered profs Acclaim him campus hero! (At least, that’s what the public gleans From viewing motion picture screens!) Arthur L, Lippmann. TOUGH BREAK “T wear that Joe Likker, the boot- legger, is going broke.” “Yeah. A dissatisfied customer started a whispering campaign against his gin.” A Harb-LucK story is one that all the editors have rejected. “T left him, Paw. He didn't like my beer.” comicbooks.com