Life — August 23, 1928 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PLAIN TRUTHS FROM OUR CANDIDATE “I Am the Only Candidate That Has Looked a Mule in the Face (or Otherwise)” Now that the Notification Ceremonies is over, with no refusals, we can just sit down and figure out “What was it all about anyhow?” The object of these Notification Cere- monies was to tell Hoover and Smith what the Deligates did at Kansas City and Houston, And what did the Deligates do at Kansas City and Houston? In the first place what did they go to cither place for? They didn’t go there to nominate a Presidenual Candidate, That had been done months ahead. They didn’t go clear there to nominate a Vice-Presidential Candidate, That's not enough interest to get that many badges together. They went just simply to carry on the old “Bunk” and “Applesauce,” They had been doing it for years and they had to keep on doing it. Any half-wit knew that Hoover would be the nominee, That is if the could ever get Coolidge to speak Englis! long coough to say what he was talking about. Now who in the Lord’s name could the Democrats have named but Smith? Each nomination was a foregone conclusion, There was no more real life or pep to cither convention than to a Rotarary Luncheon, They made a couple of things called platforms, supposed to be strong enough for millions af people to stand on, There is no more difference in the two platforms than there is in two Musical shows, How could there be? They are both catering to the same voters. Both of ens want the Wet and Dry vote both, So both of them used the same teversible Dry-Wet Plank. They both want the Farmer's vote, So what can they do but promise him in pay- ment for it that they will do something for him? The only thing about the bar- by WILL ROGERS gain is that the Farmer has got to help them first. Why don’t one of them say, if they are really on the level, “Mr. Farmer, we want your vote, but we don’t want it till we can show you that we have done something for you.” In other words, Don't ask for pay for something till you deliver the goods. Help the farmer first, then he will know which side helped him, But quit trying to kid him into paying in advance for something he don't know if he will ever get or not. Now Al has got on a pair of bib overalls and a straw sticking in his mouth instead of a cigar, and he is out for the farmer vote, Now what does Tammany Hall know about a farmer? What docs Tammany Hall care about a farmer? How is Smith going to get the farmer's vote all over the country when he never received a single vote of a Farmer in his own state in all the years he has been running? What made him so suddenly under- stand the Farmer's problem? New York has had Farmers (or things that pass as Cabi: which Ovr 3 Leg Nvae borane. ce farmers) for generations, Yet the only relief they ever had at the hands of their State Government has been high taxes on land that don’t raise enough to be really classified as a farm. So what is Al Smith going to do for the whole pack of Farmers that he hasn't even idate’s boyhood been able to do for the ones in his own State? Same way with Hoover. A Farmer never interested Hoover any more than I would interest a Harvard Proffessor, until it was suddenly dis- covered that he had been nominated and that the Farmer voted. Now Herbert is telling what he will do for the Farmer. Hoover can draw up some Blue Prints and have the Farmer's land surveyed and have him incorporated and sell stock in his farm like the big Corporations do that are able to hire Engincers, Hoover will put efficiency charts in the hen-houses so cach hen can read her Egg Quota for the day, He'll set up time clocks for the cows to punch. But will the cows and chickens co- operate with this scheme? Well, I've met up with a few cows and chickens myself comicbooks.com