Life — August 9, 1928 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Announcers Somewnert hidden in a catacomb there must be a school for radio announcers where ex-subtitle writers for the movies are trained to introduce programs. You cannot tell me that the fact that the thou- sands of announcers all over the country all say the same thing in the same way is just a coincidence. No, there is a Mas- ter Mind in back of it all; one distorted | brain invents all the blurbs. The main trouble with announcers, all slaves of the Master Mind, is that they cannot let you enjoy the music in your own way. No, they have the Alice Foote MacDougall complex. You must get into the mood, the spirit of the thing. Some- times they shame you so that you feel you must run and put on an appropriate costume to listen to their programs. Can a radio announcer say simply that Miss Isabel Flippen will sing “Kiss Me Again” and if you don’t like it you can move up a couple of poifits and get the Stock Market Reports? He cannot. He must take a long breath and plunge into something like this: “What is more beauti- ful than a midsummer night and a beauti- ful girl, particularly if that girl has flashing teeth made white by the daily use of Gimpo Toothpaste. Girls who use Gimpo Toothpaste never have to say ‘Kiss Me Again,’ which will be the next selec- tion of Miss Isabel Flippen accompanied by the Gimpo Orchestra, under the direc- tion of Claude Fish and broadcast every Tuesday evening at’half-past nine by the courtesy of the Arthur Gimp Corpora- tion, makers of Gimpo Toothpaste, Extra- Glint Silver Polish and Blather Laundry Soap, the soap that makes washday a holiday.” By that time you have turned to a retty prize-fight and some dear old low- lite is yelling, “Ooh, he's got Izzy groggy. Ooh, Izzy’s in bad shape. Ooh, Izzy's go- ing down any moment. Ooh, folks, this is jsome battle. Ooh, folks, I think Izzy's nose is broke.” And it is a great comfort to know that somebody's nose is broke. But fights (more’s the pity) don’t last forever, and before you know it you're back in the studio, listening to an an- nouncer announce: “Louis the Fourteenth is known in history as ‘Le Roi Soleil.’ ‘Le Roi Soleil’ is French for the Sun King. But who wants to think of the sun these hot evenings? Wouldn’t it be much better Home PROM THE VACATION “Horrors! We forgot to notify the bootlegger.” | Finst Stee. Worker: I saw a very unusual issue of a comic magazine the other day, Joc. Stoonp Steet Worker: What was so unusual | about it, Jim? | First Sree. Worker: It didn’t contain a | single picture of a couple of steel workers | wisecracking on a skyscraper. to ‘Get Out and Get Under the Moon’? | We think so anyway, so ‘Get Out and Get Under the Moon’ will be our next selec- tion, by special request of Mrs. Isaac Freedburg, of 117 East 167th Street, who is celebrating her golden wedding to- night.” You think I am making these an- nouncements up out of my head? If I could invent blurbs like these I would be getting $50,000 a year as Master Mind of the radio announcers. Just to prove I am not kidding, here is a verbatim announce- ment taken down by a sharp-ared lis- tener: “The spirit that sent our ancestors across the ocean to fight for their existence in a new land, the spirit that sent the pioneers across the desert in covered wagons, the spirit that sent our boys over to France to win the war, will be heard in our next selection. Nat Lipstein's Syn- copation Boys will play ‘Fidgety Feet.’ Agnes Smith. THE ULTIMATE TEST “Was Peabody's last novel a success?” “It must have been—I see he went on a camping trip with Gene Tunney the other day.” Give a politician enough rope and he'll try to imitate Will Rogers. comicbooks.com