Life — August 2, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Highlights of Track History Dick Dare, Tom Rover and Frank Merriwell finish in a dead heat. —Cantcte Trott WIPING “EM OUT ALASKA papers “Harry L: here off and on for a number of years, writes he has left town to accept a job clsewhere, but will return in the fall, at which time he will re pudiate his just debts, dollar for dollar.” resident —Koston Transcript. The Hollywood lawyer stuck his head out of the window and said: ‘Here comes the bride.""—Florida Times-Union “Are you an oil burner?" he fed “Well, lend me a can of gasoline.”* —Lonvon Cattine. ontemporaries “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” WHICH WOULD RUIN THE GAME Tue worst thing You could hope For these crushing hand- shakers Is that they hold Their golf clubs Just as tightly. —Arkansas Gazette. We heard recently of a University professor who accidentally attained the stage of mental cleva- tion. He was heard to murmur in a puzzled fashion: “I'm drunk, and I know I'm drunk. It’s a psychological fal- lacy."" — Sporting and Dramatic News. Purper. Ix an American theater a man stood up and shouted, "This play cannot go on!" In London there is no need to do this. The absent-minded professor throws his cigar on the hed and himself through the window -Kaspir (StocknoLs). DRY MOTHER GOOSE tN little speakeasies running good and plenty, Nine were closed up, then there were twenty. Twenty little speakeasies keeping open late, Ninetcen raided, then there were thirty-cight. Thirty-cight. speakeasies running bold and free, Thirty-seven padlocked, now there are fourteen thousand, seven hundred and three. (Including the original ten.) —Harding, in Brooklyn Eagle. AN IMPROVEMENT Euury Terry was once rehearsing a Shaw play, and G. B. S. was standing in the wings. Some- one said to him: “Is Miss Terry speaking the lines as you wrote them?" Shaw, greatly impressed, replied: “No, she is speaking the lines as 1 ought to have written them.""—Kansas City Star. ‘ov don’t like orange juice in the morning?" “Reminds me too much of the night before."* —Louisville Courier-Journal. Wuur is home without a bother? —Toledo Blade. “Nextt hangin’ around home till sone thin’ you've paid cash fer is delivered, hardest thing is waitin’ till a sightscein” by starts.""—Abe Martin, in Indianapolis News, Youre Wise: Oh, Mother, Sir Boris doesn’t lere me any more. He denies me the simples pleasures. Last evening, though 1 begged asi prayed him, he wouldn't take me to sce the the: witches being burned in the town —Hemorist (Loxooy). THE SUB-SUB-DEB SE Tue social whirl gets them early in these high pressure days. Two thirteen-year-old mise were coming out of the home of one of the on Burns Avenue the other day, when a bas beau, also of thirteen hard seasons, shout over: “I can't be with you this evening, ges but you can surely count on me for week<en! parlor duty."—D. 4. €, News Aviarios can be said to have definite arrived when the entire high school cleven show up at the game in a single-seater. —Detroit News Ucraa-sstart Wioow (to assistant in large stot Do you stock Sports Mourning? —Sxerctt (Loxvoy) PLAYING SAFE WITH TRAFFIC COPS A cotoren man was driving an old flivves ® Sarasota, Fla. In licu of the license plate, he a shingle attached to the rear of his car # on this shingle were printed these words: “Lt It.""—Chicago Tribune. comicbooks.com