Life — July 26, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis “Are you reading ‘My Life,’ by \ does it come ow —Le Casanp Excitatne (Panis). ussolini? How TWO STRINGS TO HIS BOW Gunisume Trut of Marseilles, France, is men- tioned as a likely contender in the Olympic marathon, He is said to have remarked, when interviewed, that there is no money in the apple-shooting racket any more. —Spokane Spokesman-Review. A GOOD IDEA A Boston paper prints a puzzle showing a young blond man playing a saxophone with the end plugged up, and the caption is, ‘*What is wrong with this picture?"* We think it is all right. —Detroit News. | “T have not-known a single day's freedom from indigestion since last Jane."—Local Paper. Jane was the cook, of course. —Humorist (London). Svecesten title for political book: ‘Dead Issues Are Faithful Issues.""—New York World. » Tita; something about me in the fs i “Really? Whee does it say?" tis “It says, ‘In the month of March the trolley company carried 15,738,526 passengers’—well, 1 was one of them, wasn't 1?" —Burx Humor (Maori). LIFE “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” VERSE FOR THE FIRST OF THE MONTH Wun I was young (or maybe, five) And glad, so glad to be alive, Oh, how my fancy used to itch To be—how shall I put it?—rich! A millionaire, it seemed to me, Was quite the only thing to be; A millionaire, or billionaire, Or willionaire—let’s leave it there! Well, now my jolly youth is dead, My pretty, infant fancies Aled, And here I sit and brood and itch To be—how shall I put it?—rich! —Samuel Hoffenstein, in D. A. C. News. Iy a few cases there's something in a name. John Blaha is a saxophone player in Omaha.—dtchison Globe. a The Runaway —Guritenez (Mavnip), A WASTE OF ENERGY To a backward pupil the teacher said: “IE you never learn to write how will you be able to carry on correspondence when you grow up?" “TI won't have to do any writing,”’ the boy replied, cheerfully, *‘because all of my folks live right in town.""—Youngstown Telegram. LIKE A COLOSSUS, ANYWAY “Q. How tall is Babe Ruth? “A. The geological survey says that in geologi terms the. period which has elapsed since t Colorado river began to cut the Grand Canyon is not determined very closely and an attempt to put it in years is speculative.” —Detroit News. Ture you arel—New Yorker. ANTI-AIRCRAFT “Cyan. is getting to be quite a little ruffian, I caught him shooting at Lindbergh with his pop- gun to-day.""—Harvard Lampoon, A parcain sale is an arrangement whereby a woman can ruin one dress and buy another. —Greenville Piedmont, ontemporaries “We admit, your Honor, that my unfortunsse client murdered his wife, but it was only the first time!” —L'Isreaxsiceant (Panis). AN AUTOGRAPHED COPY Do you know this one that happened to Mare Connelly in Hollywood? He was introduced » a certain movie actor. ‘*An author,"* said the movie actor. “Say, did you ever write a book?” Mare admitted that there was a book of his plays. “Yeah, but it's a book, isn't it?’’ asked the “You know, it's got a stiff cover on it, Mare was quite sure it had. continued the actor, “right up ia front it has a blank page? You know, an empty page with nothing at all on it?** Marc thought “Good,"" said the actor. “I'll tell you what you do. You write something on the blask page and then you sign your name and then you give me the book and I'll put it on the table ia my house." What for?" asked Marc. “I don’t know,’* confessed the idol of the sereen, “But they're all doing it here in Holly- wood, It's kind of the latest fad." —Smart Set. Yanxee: Geel I guess that motor was dois sevent) Yoxer: Look out! Ye've got another gues comin’. —Lonvon Opinion. WHEEZY First Cotrectan: I didn’t think much of Bill's old car, did you? Srcoxp Cotttctan: No, two or three of the wisecracks missed fire. —Pennsylvania Punch Bowl, comicbooks.com