Life — July 5, 1928 — page 19: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE Tue Sworn Swattower Orvers Swororish How to Clean Up in Wall Street Svsscrise for half a dozen financial news- papers and a couple of tipping services. Get acquainted with someone who has a friend whose cousin knows a fellow connected with a financial house Make a careful study of the market letters issued by all the brokerage firms. Watch the ticker each day in order to get the “feel” of the market. Figure out at the end of each day how much money you would have made had you bought or sold Radio or General Mo- tors at the right moment. PFencoas* Get up a diversified list of securities which, it you hold a block of each, can- not fail to yield you a handsome profit in the aggregate. And then put every nickel you own into Liberty Bonds. Dz C. A Long Run on Broadway “Gor one in Row D for Thursday?” “AIL sold out for Thursday.” “How about Friday?” “Nothing for Friday. I can give you one in X tor a week pees Monday.” “On the aisle?” “No; in the middle of the row.” “I'm afraid that won't do.” (As the motorist leaves the box-office window he is accosted by a speculator.) j “I can give you one in D for Thurs- ay.” How much?” “Three dollars.” “Three dollars! For a fifty-cent ticket!” “Take it or leave it.” “Give me it. I've got to get parking space for my car for Thursday.” Bill Sykes. One thing we haven't seen yet is a vest-pocket flask. + dit Asenican Tourist (at the Tower of London): Snappy costumes on these ushers, all right, but they don’t seem as polite as ours at home. MRS. PEP’S DIARY |. June LAvlate, pondering this andthat, in especial how difficult it is for 13 fediales with any considerable personality always to conduct themselves as gentlewomen, and that manufacturers of bathroom fixtures should be prohib- ited by statute from making white opaque tumblers which one must plumb to gauge the depth of water or hold to a light to determine whether a tablet has melted, and then to the publick prints, now filled with the doings of the Republican Con- vention, but Lord! there is no zest to the details, methinks, as in the days when political slogans were fighting words, and a man of my father’s dignity donned a linen ulster with a top hat and marched through the publick streets carrying a torch beside his Ellow citizens with no idea soever that both his zeal and apparel might be termed ridiculous. But he was always eeeply concerned with what went on at Washington, and would often tell, to my mother’s embarrassment and dis- couragement, that I could name the mem- bers of the Cabinet when I was fourteen months old, and I do know well that a paychoanalyst would tell me that it is to im I owe my bursting into tears at the sight of the flag or a Civil War veteran, and that it is to my mother I owe doing the same thing at the sight of compatriots on the Riviera or in Napoleon's tomb. Many photographs of Mistress Alice Longworth do recall how she set the As- sociated Press a-flutter some twenty-five years ago meely by putting her elbows on a dinner table, but as Sam says, it is just as well not to go too far in our good-natured spoofing of the early part of the century, when we consider that it was then no trick at all to get a decent dry Martini, which is now rarer than a day in June. A quiet day and dinner at home, and Sam being still away, I did telephone a registry for a trained nurse to stop the night with me, and her name turned out to be Mistress Plouffe, which not I nor even a cartoonist could credit. a June Awake extremely betimes, with such an inexplicable craving for 14 4 cold tomato that I did steal out to the kitchen before the servants were there to get one from the icebox, but Lord! in my attempt to peel it, it did shoot this way and that out of my grasp comicbooks.com