Life — June 28, 1928 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

22 LiFe All-Jewish stars from Vienna. He was re- cruited for the Nationals, a professional soccer team that makes its home at the Polo Grounds in New York. In one of his early games as a profes- sional an opponent gave him a delight- fully enthusiastic kick in the ribs, and with malice afore- thought, too. “Meestah Ref- ‘ree, moaned Wort- mann, appealing to the official. “Hey, Wort- mann!” cautioned the National captain. “Never mind — the referee. That ain't the way we play in this country. When a guy kicks you, wait for a chance and kick him twice.” A bit later Wortmann tangled with the same opponent and was put out of the game, protesting violently against Amer- ian injustice, “It’s my fault,” said his captain; “I forgot to tell you that you mustn't kick him while the referee is looking. That's the rule in this country.” The referee's lot, like the policeman’s, is not a happy one, especially in this country. Over in Europe, when France was playing Scotland with an Irish ref- eree, the French took after the referee and the Scots defended him. Another time when France was playing Ireland with a Scottish referee, the Irish rallied to the defense of the official when the French came storming to the attack. In this country it is different. All hands (and feet) take after the referee. Two officials were handling a game some- where in that wild section of the United States known as the Bronx. They gave a decision that outraged everybody at the same time—the two teams, and the rival and superheated rooters, As the united forces swarmed together for a general charge, one official said to the other: “T say, let’s go to tea. I know a ripping place that serves scones with two pats of butter, in Providence, Rhode Island.” “Perfect, old bean!" And off they went so fast that the in- furiated and baffled spectators never knew whether they went over, under or through the board fence that surrounded the field. Acting in accordance with the “Safety First” program now in such gen- eral favor, soccer referees in this country are picked for their speed afoot. John Kieran. ANOTHER EXPERT Rep: Ted is a great judge of whiskey. Neo: I didn’t know he drank. Rep: That's just it—he doesn’t. Burioves (to the new D bill collector) : Now remember, if they won't pay, just terrorize them. Tre Summer Scroo. Stuvent Who Wanteo to Be Cottecute Mr. Average Man Observes His Anniversaries Business ANNIVERSARIES: First: Forgets it! Second: Is remind- ed about it. Third: Recalls it at the last minute. Fourth: Admits he’s done pretty well. Fifth: Modestly ac- cepts credit for long association. roud ieve- Sixth: Very of his ac ment. Seventh: Throws a big party. Eighth: Boasts about it to his family. Ninth: Tells every- body he knows. Tenth: Wild cele- bration! Wenoine ANNIVERSARIES: First: Wild bration! Second: Tells everybody he knows. Third: Boasts about it to his family. Fourth: Throws a big party. Fifth: Very proud of his achieve- ment. Sixth: Modesty accepts credit for long association. Seventh: — Admits he's done pretty well. Eighth: Recalls it at the last min ute. Ninth: Is reminded about it. Tenth: Forgets it! Sam Marx, cele- Insurance salesman’s motto: “I'll fight it out on this dotted line if it takes all summer.” minic large insult “E romai kisses misce ends with wife paint Po bad | equal his n. serts but ing h the h severs highl; Ir is return and h him comec break: with ; been | edies fectua the tit starrin scene lows | makes that F Writ silent | comicbooks.com