Life — June 14, 1928 — page 13: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

thought “I” meant the first row. Phil Baker contends that the radio was in- vented by a homely prima donna and Sid Silvers revised that adage to read: “Two's company—three’s Paul Whiteman.” The latest crop of shows has been so bad that most of us are finally getting some exer- cise by walking out on them, and when n Stem femme tells you that she has a “V. C.” for a guy she doesn’t mean “Vice-Consul” or ‘Victoria Cross” but a Violent Crush for him, Well, here’s hoping that they'll never say you're the type who has five finger marks on his right hip. Walter Winchell. “T Thought I'd Die” “California school children are to be taught with wisecracks, anecdotes and cartoons."* Tre Pourre Doc: Pardon my pointing. when the Barbarian invasions started? Mabel? .... Frankie? .... Otto? .... Margaret?....Tch! Tch! Doesn’t any- body know? Jimmie? Jimaue: “The first Hun-dread years are the hardest.” Teacuer: Very good, Jimmie, very good. And just for that you can go home half an hour carly today—but look out for the horsecars. All right, children; with Miss Hansen at the piano we will now sing the King Midas Song, ‘He was only a king’s son but he certainly knew how to handle the jack.” Letter go, Galla- Curtain Parke Cummings. Liverary Note: — Confessional stories have been trite and found wanted. Absolute Monopoly “Every passing motorist is a potential customer of that farmer.” “How's that?” “He has a filling station on the corner; sells hot dogs, soft drinks, ice cream, etc., in an adjoining shack. He also has a stand for fruit, vegetables, eggs and milk, and his house has been turned into an inn,” “But suppose one does not want gas, a light lunch, farm products, a dinner or a night's lodging. What is thers—?” “A public golf course in the pasture.” Bill Sykes. HINTS TO WORKING GIRLS No. 987654321—When the boss's wife finds you on his lap, the correct thing to do is to change your position. . News item. Scexe: The Little Red Schoolhouse. Teactier: Come, come, children, it’s about time we got down to work—as the miner remarked when he descended the shaft. We're nearly a week behind in his- tory. Now, Johnny, who was the most famous naturalist of ancient times? Josxy: Hannibal, because he crossed the Alps with elephants! And. Percy: Ha! Ha! Ha! tha’s good, that is! Reminds me of the story about the traveling salesman who—— Tracer (severely): Not now, Percy. That comes under geography. And now, Susan, suppose you tell the class about what happened on the Nile when Cle Susan: Ask me no questions Nile tell you no lies. Tue Crass: Terrible! Terrible! Put her in the corner! Teacter: Children! Children! We must have quiet. And remember—Cleo- patra was so dumb she thought a person from Cairo was a Chiropractor. Precy: That re- Trrcuer: Never mind, Percy. And now, children, what did the Romans say “Her three daughters are to be married at the same time.” “I suppose they all will wear their mother’s wedding dress.” comicbooks.com