Life — May 31, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolish rae Duelist (to bystander): wovLD YoU MIND TELLING ME WHAT YOU'RE HANGING AROUND FOR? Bystander: Just WAITING FOR YOU TO KILL EACH OTHER—I'M A SWORD SWALLOWER IN THE CIRCUS. —Gutiérrez (Madrid). GATHERED WORDS Some people gather stones, To make a pretty walk. I like to gather words And put them in my talk, To form a pleasant path, So, when I've said my say, The weary minds that pass Will want to go my way. —Myrt H., in Chicago Daily News. TOO MUCH ACTION A Britistter has invented a wrist watch which is kept wound by the motion of the arm. It’s all right, perhaps, but some lucky crap-shooter would probably break a mainspring every twenty minutes or so.—Arkansas Gazette. DRAMATIC CRITICISM IN THE GREAT WEST From tHe Buffalo (Kans.) Blade: **Custer’s last fight is being fit by a troupe here this week." —New York Evening Post. “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” JUVENILE WHOOPEE Tue stst description of a children’s party that has come to our official notice in many moons is that given by the four-year-old son of a neighbor: “Did you have a good time at the party?” asked the fond mother when the young man re- turned flushed with excitement from a birth- day-gathering across the street. “Oh, yes, Mother, we had a perfectly lovely time."* “But what did you do to have such a lovely time?"* “Oh, we just screamed and screamed." —D. A. C. News. ARCADES AMBO Tue erst golf story of late comes from a South London course, where two young novices met | the other morning for a match. On the first tee, after a little discussion, they tossed a coin to decide which of them should give the other a start of a suoke a hole. —London Daily Chronicle. Procy Horxixs Jovce threw a glass of champagne over the boiled shirt front of a Paris editor, who can now consider himself launched. —Detroit News. ‘i “WHAT WAS YOUR FIANCE CHATTING ABOUT SO caiLy?"* “OH, NOTHING THAT YOU SHOULD HEAR AT YOUR AGE, MAMMA.”* —Excelsior (Mexico City). ! mtemporaries “YoU OUGHT NOT TO SMOKE CIGARS IN THE Oo TUME OF BEN-HUR!"’ ““WHY—COULDN'T HE AFFoRD "EM?" —L'Esquella de la Torratxa (Barcelona), HIS AMATEUR STANDING Tue story is told of a college athlete that had no money. Consequently, not because he was a good athlete, a rich alumnus used to havea standing bet with him every semester that be couldn't jump over a chair two feet high. They bet five hundred dollars cach time. Once the big athlete tripped and fell over the chair, so the thoughtful alumnus gave the poor boy a thou sand dollars for doctor bills. —Colgate Banter, HE KNOWS Tey say that curves are coming back To beautify the screen and stage; Ask dad to tell of Sam T. Jack, When burleyques were all the rage. —Youngstown Telegram. Accorpine to late news from the Broat, Babe Ruth is himself again, Observers say he is as fit as a bass viol.—New Yorker. Employer: ott! wo THE DEVIL FIRST INVENTED THESE DAMNED TELEPHONES? The Very Efficient Typist: ALEXANDER BELL, 1 THINK, SIR, IN THE YEAR 1876. —London Calling. J west gc heat And all | rades And av prim And a fre ferns I must go of th Iba wild thing comicbooks.com