Life — May 24, 1928 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“Oh, he’s perfectly sweet, but I’m afraid it would be foolish. We have so little in common. He doesn't dance—or ride—or swim——and twice last week he wanted to go home and to bed.” The Moles From molehills near and molehills far (In fact, wherever molehills are), From molehills east and molehills west And north and south, in moleskins dressed, Assembled moles, one famous date, And sat with faces very straight (For moles are naturally sedate) To plan a mighty nation. They thought and thought and thought and thought Collectively, and solely sought To found a government that would Develop for their mutual good— Would help their molish plans expand, “Let's change around, Robbie. This cheek is getting tired.” Would rule them with a temperate hand (They also thought it would be grand To have some legislation). They figured out a dandy plan For superseding “‘can’t’’ with “can.” They said, “Whatever man can do, Undoubtedly a mole can, too.” Conventions, conferences, talks Were held and moles from all the walks Of molish life let out their squawks In efforts to control ills. The government then set its jaws And thought a good deal more, because The matters that it had to touch, As matters, didn’t matter much. And so, like men, they had to fake Their issues for appéarance’ sake And promptly set to work, at mak- Ing mountains of their molchills. Carroll Carroll. OMNIS IT Tuere have been tremendous landslides in Venezuela and Chile, which is the first intimation received ty /this country that Al Smith is a candidate there, too. RESULTS “How’s your garden coming this year?” “We had it for dinner last night.” Every woman should have at least one husband to share her joys and her sorrows and her friends’ secrets. MRS. PEP’§ DIARY May Ava betimes, greatly cast ond lown to be greeted, in lieu of a May basket, by a huge sheaf of bills, amongst them the one for the coat which I do now wish I had not purchased. I have, in fact, made so many signal errors of late in my shopping ex. peditions that Sam thinks it might be more economical to hire an alienist to accompany me when next I venture forth, At the publick prints, trying, like a pros pecting miner, to strike a bit of news ore amongst all the balderdash about the fliers, aad came upon two nuggets: the item about Michael Arlen’s marriage and the questions in the English literature examinations taken by competing teams of Harvard and Yale men, and I grew somewhat desperate at reflecting, in con- nection with this test, that, albeit I might be able to pass it, I should be weak at discussing letter writers of the Eighteenth Century, to whom I once devoted three months of graduate study, and now remember little from the course save that William Cowper could brew a very decent cup of tea. The dregs of my eru- dition are indeed a sorry minimum. When I consider the nights I did sit up over the binomial theorem, and now I could not save my life by its explanation if the latter were suddenly demanded of me! But I do not hold with the test’s quota tion from Spenser, “So every spirit, as it is most pure, — And hath in it the more of Heavenly light, So it the fairer bodie doth procure To habit in,” ete., for that I do believe it is less difficult to build more stately mansions for the soul than to stick to a diet of baked Mr. Motecute: Pardon, but haven't we met before? Miss Evectron (haughtily): I don't know you from Atom, — potatoes mayhap ing any whose 1 To play on the tion of could s¢ and m} with the a charits in the « piece as thing I Ma) 3rd hast nig not rece the affa one of ues as a me that tempora interrog atany g ber wh: what cl which, what ali So I dic priate f to stop he ace; especial make a his part my Go neither, ing witl comicbooks.com