Life — May 10, 1928 — page 38: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A home town enterprise backed by national experience An Advertisement of the American Telephone and Telegraph Company ‘Tue Bell System is a home town enterprise in operation so that each community may have service that suits its needs. It is a national enterprise in ineering and manufac- ture so that every telephone user r have the best that concentration and quantity production can achiev There are twenty-four ope: companies devoting their energies to telephone problems throughout the United States—for example, the Northwestern Bell Telephone Com- pany operating throughout Iowa, Minnesota, Nebraska, North Dakota and South Dakota. It has 11,000 men and women—friends and ncigh- bors of the other people in their towns—working to maintain in its territory the best standards in telephony now known. In New York, in the Amer- ican Telephoneand Telegraph Company and the Bell Laboratories, are 5000 persons, including scientists, engineers and consultants in manage- ment, engaged in inventing better apparatus and discovering better ways to do things. The Northwestern Company with its 11,000 employees has the use of all that this group of 5000 in New York discover and perfect. Likewise the other twenty-three operatingcom- panies. They are regional organiza- tions adapted to local conditions, but behind every telephonein city or ham- letis the national organization for the development of the telephone art. ASK FOR THEM Golfers see red and golfers see yellow. Made in both colors, Reddy Tees start no searching parties. THE EMANCIPATOR DIVORCE MILL Ever since I patented and started sell. ing my famous 1928 model divorce mill, I have been besieged by thou. sands who are anxious to know how the wonderful device operates and, curiosity being a human failing, | don’t blame them in the least. I feel the time has come to speak, and speak I shall, so if the wonders of science stir not your pulses read elsewhere. The Emancipator Divorce Mill is equipped with Diesel engines and, un- der tavorable temperamental condi- tions, can turn out as many as 345 guaranteed Grade A permanent di- vorces an hour. The old divorce mill frequently slipped cogs in the Separa- tion Chamber, but the Emancipator takes the guess out of divorcing; only three of its higher-priced divorces in the last year didn’t take—we later dis- covered that our Incompatibility En- courager had stripped a few gears, and we pretty soon fixed that! The operation is very simple and requires no mechanical mind at all to understand. The parties desiring the divorce are placed in a hermetically sealed chamber which is maintained at a temperature of 124 degrees Fahr- enheit. From here an automatic belt conveys them to the Vanity Wounder compartment. A_ brief moment here and they are whisked in turn through the Petty Quarrel Inducer, Harsh Words Abettor, Mother-in-Law Prod- der and Family Interference Annoyer, and finally the same conveyor deposits them in the Separator, where our au- tomatic lawyers start to blow off steam before our patented automaton Judge. Our own formulary, patented divorce grounds now trickle out of eight large discharge pipes and fall around the severing parties. Ten minutes later each person is shot out of a different tube to the Clerical Division, where necessary papers are delivered. Twenty minutes from the time they entered the Emancipator Mill as two miser- ably unhappy people, they leave and go their respective ways, singing and rejoicing. . Modesty forbids my mentioning the many kind testimonials I have re- ceived regarding my mill. But to a suffering world I bring even better tidings. | am working on an entirely new model mill, one that will com- plete the entire operation from miset- able wedlock to joyous divorce in less than twelve minutes by the clock. My devoted friends are prone to say that I have done more for the world than BY NAME Sold everywhere. Red or yellow. 18 for 25c. uu The Nieblo Mfg. Co., Inc., 38 East 23rd St., N.Y. the Be sure you get the original and genuine Edison, Marconi and Ford put to gether, if such a thing is possible, but really they are too kind. I enjoy doing TEE my little bit and “We"—the Emana- pator and I—are content with our lot. Arthur L. Lippmann. comicbooks.com