Life — April 26, 1928 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Alcohol Ts a mystery who sells it To the erring race of man; C,H,OH spells it “For the chemist and his clan. Indispensable at sessions Where the cares of life are drowned, It annihilates repressions And it makes the world go round. When its Christian name is Ethyl It is good for pains and aches; When its heathen name is Methyl It is worse’n rattlesnakes. When its given name is Amyl It will leave you badly dazed, And it keeps your Uncle Sam ill With the fuss that it has raised. Since they've said you mustn't cat it (By an overwhelming vote), How incessantly you meet it, How they pour it down your throat! For your host has found a sherry, Or a Bourbon, or a rye, Or he'll mix a Tom-and-Jerry That you really ought to try. When you're lowballed and you're highballed And you're cocktailed and you're wined Till you know you're crimson-eye- balled And you fear you're going blind, In a comatose condition Of those happy days you think That preceded Prohibition When one did not have to drink! Arthur Guiterman. Just an Idea USINESS MAN: Yes, I've thought of a way to save several hours a day in my business. Friexp: Why don’t you put it into effect, then? Business Man: I'm too busy. Inspired When you received the contract as assistant director for the Mammoth Film Corporation, you said something appropriate, I assume ? Butz: Yes. = “You've been here over an hour without doing a thing to stop that leak. The place is flooded!” “Well, madam, to tell ye de truth, I’m sore on de tenant downstairs!” What a Movie Hero and Heroine Say During a Passionate Love Scene “NAY gosh, Roberto, don’t you ever shave? You've got a chin like an airedale!” “Oh, I overslept—the missus and I were out late playing dominoes at Fickpair last night....Come on, Dolores, how about a little pep? Have I got to do all the work in this clinch party? Snap into it!” “Oh, go feed a duck!...Here, you don’t have to push your whole makeup down my neck! You've got on enough grease to launch a ship.” “Well, bawl out the Director, not me....Say, look, the wife wanted me to ask you about that real-estate development on Rosewater Avenue. Is it a buy out there?” “Listen, Roberto, Rosewater Ave- nue will go big about the time San Francisco asks to be annexed to Bangor, Maine! Honest, I never took a worse trimming....He says to kneel down—you deaf or some- thing?” “Oh, all right, all right, I sup- pose you can live till I get there, can’t you?... Well, what’s the matter with this Rosewater dump, Dolores? -+.Don't get so blamed close, I'm sunburned.” “What's the matter with it? It's got no streets or anything and it's farther from anywhere than Noah ever got with the Ark....There you go trying to hypodermic me with that beard—"” “T guess you'll live through it.... Look, Dolores, going to the dance at s to-night?” No, my eldest boy is coming home from Yale and I want to meet him at the train....You’re as absent-minded as Will Hays this morning—they’ve been yelling at you for ten minutes to give me a good long kiss.” “All right, here goes, but darned if I—mumble-mumble-mumble—” “Mumble-mumble-mumble — for Heaven's sake, what are you trying to do, push my teeth in?” Heman Fay, Jr. wie puts the “ate” in a com- panionate marriage? comicbooks.com