Life, 1928-03-15 · page 10 of 34
Life — March 15, 1928 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains a satirical short story about corporate management culture. The main narrative mocks a board chairman named Orfus Lynes who proposes elevating a silent junior accountant named Spriggott to President. The joke's premise is that Spriggott's complete silence and lack of opinions make him "peculiarly qualified" for executive leadership—a cutting critique of corporate conformity and yes-men culture. The accompanying cartoons and brief humor pieces ("Spring Thoughts," "Baffled," "Demonstration") maintain the satirical tone, mocking various aspects of early 20th-century American life: romantic sentimentality, workplace confusion, and domestic logic. The page satirizes how corporations valued obedience and silence over actual competence or original thinking.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Just a Goon He anp Sxt Joxe Life The Man Who Said Nothing (A Tense Drama of Bigger Business Methods) RFUS LYNES, Chairman of the Board of Surface Lynes, Inc., sat glaring at his Board of Directors. “Before we hand out any gold pieces,” he finally yammered, “we have to decide on a President, our friend my son-in-law having resigned to play golf. Now, I’ve been look- ing over likely candidates for some time and they all talk too much. All, that is, except a youngster in the accounting department. Young Spig- gott has been with us almost a year and hasn't said ‘I,’ ‘yes,’ or ‘no’ to any one, in or out of the office. You must agree with me that a chap who keeps his mouth shut on or off duty is peculiarly qualified for a big office, where newspaper men, lawyers, and what not pepper him with questions twenty-four hours a day. As I said, Spiggott never utters a word. . .hence I suggest we elect him President of our company, effective at noon to- morrow. <Any one have any objec- tion Is it unanimous? I thought so. hat's that. Let's go to lunch. **# *# Two weeks later young Spiggott burst into the mahogany furnishings of Orfus Lynes. “I just wanna tell you,” he roared, “how glad I was to get elected Presi- dent of this bunch of jolly good fellows. Not only for the honor, but especially, at this time, for the money involved. At last I could afford to go to a dentist and get some decent teeth in place of the ugly old stubs that kept me mum for two years. Just look at the way he fixed me up. Now I can talk, laugh, smile, holler and yell with anybody. And believe me, I've gotta good line of talk, once I start!” James A. Sanaker, Demonstration LAKE: Have you ridden with Smith yet in the used car be bought? Brack: Yes, and say—when that car comes to a hill, it’s there! “N\AOTHER is the necessity for invention,” said Father, as he tried to think up a new excuse for being out late. Spring Thoughts BENEATH the warming loam the bulbs of spring Are quickening with the season's opening; Tall tulips with their cups of white and rose, And odorous hyacinths; my fancy goes To all the splendor they will shortly spread Across my lovely garden's flower bed; Soon they'll be lifting, and with pleasure fill— At least, I hope they will! Thomas J. Murray. Baffled “MRHE culprit has left clues,” ob served the great sleuth, casting a quick, definite glance around the room. “The culprit had short black hair, was five feet six inches tall, smoked Plucky Cigarettes, wore woolen socks, played a good game of golf, drove an automobile, had five love affairs, and drank, but not to s. farvelous!” I exclaimed. “But was the culprit a man or a woman?” It was then that the baffled look came over his face. H, F. M. “I could just go out and murder some one if it weren't for the soothing influence of a cigarette.” comicbooks.com