Life — March 1, 1928 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis “WHAT THE DEUCE ARE YOU DOING UNDER THAT BED?” “PUTTIN’ A PORE LITTLE LOST MOUSE BACK IN ITs ‘OLE, sme.” —Humorist (London). The Matron's Prayer Now I lay me down to sleep, My water wave may angels keep, And guide me through another day In which both cook and waitress stay. —New Yorker. Getting On “ ‘Heavens, I am thirty!’ she said. ‘Please get me a drink.’"—Magazine Story. Tue realization that she is thirty must make a woman feel faint. —Humorist (London). At a Tea “Ts your husband having a good time?” “I don’t know, but he'd better.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. No man is a hero to a bill collector. —Louisville Times. Cash Customer: now Go-rY, TONG? You GOTTEM RICE CAKE? Retired Heathen: xo, six, BUT THE ROAST BEEP 18 EXCELLENT TO-DAY. —Stanford Chaparral. mntemporaries “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Virtuosity Tue standards of childhood are (perhaps fortunately) not those of maturity. Mary, whose father is an excellent pianist, had returned from her first day at a small school. “Mummie,” she an- nounced, “teacher is clever. She can look round at us and play the piano with one hand.” —London Daily News. Readjustment Hvsnaxp: Good heav- ens, that frock’s so short you can see your garters! Wire (meekly): Very well, dear, I'll wear them higher up. —Smith’s Weekly (Sydney). Tur things a boy remembers the long- est are those that he learns with his own moncy.—Mileaukee Journal. “witY AREN'T YOU GREETING ME TO-DAY?’ “LT TEAVE NO CaP.” —Séndagsnisse-Striz (Stockholm). How It Looked Two little country darkies, seeing a traffic cop (for the first time) all cloaked and with gog- gles on, stood speechless. Finally one little fel- low exclaimed: “Gee, boy ! Look a’ da’ man a-run roun’ a win’-shiel’ on ’e nose.” —Charleston News and Courier. Boy, Hand Her a Halo! Bootm TarxrnoTox sees Indiana as the home of the righteous because of the sending of corrupt officials to jail. A people less virtuous might have sent them to Congress. —Boston Transcript. Son-in-Law: x-No. MENT ISN’D DUE FOR NEARLY A MONTH. “povpoupou! you BAD, WICKED nor! HAVEN’T I TOLD YOU IT's CRUEL To Us FORCE WITH ANIMALS?” —Le Monde Colonial (Paris). Hardened Tr took the rescuers half an hour to clear away the mass of stones from the unfortunate man on whom the wall had fallen, and they had no expectation of finding him other than crushed flat. To their amazement, he rose to his feet and asked for a clothes-brush. “Aren't you crushed?” asked one on- looker. “Not likely,” said he with a smile. “I go through worse every evening. I teach dancing at a night club.” —London Daily Chronicle. The Language of Efficiency “Writat do you mean you have an effici- ency parrot?” we asked the office manager. His reply was triumphant. “I have taught it to say, ‘Parrot speak- ing,’ before it begins to talk,” he said. —Ladies’ Home Jouraal. “Your wife loses quite a lot of money at bridge, doesn’t she?” “Yes, I do.”—College Humor. Father-in-Law (surveying daughter's new home): wat 1 PARTICULARLY LIKED ABOUT YOU, EDWARD, WAS THAT YOU MADE NO APPEAL TO ME FOR HELP IN FURNISHING YOUR NEW HOME. WELL, YOU SEE, THE FIRST INSTAI- —London Opinion. comicbooks.com