Life — February 9, 1928 — page 28: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis Egbert: 1’ arwatp ovr 1 TAKE EVERY PENNY I'VE SW Adeline: wutat or 17? A 1103 SOMETHING THAT ONLY HAPPI EVERY TWO OR THREE YEARS. —Ererybody's Weekly (London). February Dirge How rotten and sodden the snow! Brown ash heaps—deplorable row! Go, Winter, go! Spring! Can there be such a thing? No. It will ever be so— Ashes and soot-sodden snow! . Bin ‘pokane Spokesman-Review, Quite Comfortable, Thank You Tue English are making a test of a heating device for aeroplanes. We are unreliably informed that it consists of coals, vestas, a tin of paraffin, and a maid called Jenkins.—New Yorker. Low-Spirited “On leaving, bis host had put some of the still hot punch into his thermos flask...but be lost it. He felt beaten."—Australian Journal. No wonder, after losing his punch. —Smith’s Weekly (Sydney). “1AM VERY NERVOUS AND REQUIRE A COM- PANION WHO WILL BE VERY CALM ANO NEVER ANSWER ME.” “T WAVE THE VERY THING—A FORMER TELE- PHONE OPERATOR.” —Le Petit Bleu (Paris). Life ‘Aut Scissors aut Nullus’ Boiling It Down Whew the speaker of the day arrived, the chairman of the noon lunch club said to him: “Our program is a little crowded to- day, as usual, and you will have only about ten minutes for your address. What is your subject?” “Time, Space, and Life,” replied the speaker of the day, dryly. —Youngstown Telegram. Nothing in Its Place “Wett,” said the ultra-modern young mother, “it's time to make the baby’s bedtime cup of malted milk. Where the devil did IT leave that cocktail shaker last night? Or was it this morning?” —Detroit Free Press. THE TABLECLOTH-WRITING EXPERT CALCU- LATES HIS INCOME TAX. —Toronto Goblin. And Cesar Crossed the Delaware Bort science and history are taught to good effect in our schools. Although the facts in a child's mind may be some- what disorderly, they are there, at any rate—in heaps. In one composition a pupil wrote: “Galileo dis- covered the law of the pendulum when an apple dropped on his head from the leaning tower of Pisa.” —Detroit News. Intriguing Proorreaprr (after reading proof five times on latest novel): This opus oughta be pretty good. Guess I'll have to read it when I get time. —Carolina Buecaneer. ontemporaries “{N YLIRTATIONS WITH MARRIED MEN, THE FIRST THING TO REMEMBER 1S THE NINTH COMMANDMENT.” “YES, | KNOW, MAMA—THOU LT Nor COvET THY NEIGHBOR'S WIFE,’—BUT SAYS NOTHING ABOUT YOUR NEIGHIROR'S MUSBAND.” —Breelsior (Mexico City). Marked Zero Tue main test Of a culture acquired In ten easy lessons Ts its effect On a culture Which has required Ten generations To perfect itself. —Arkansas Gazette, Too Late Tue newly married, beautiful-but- dumb young thing dashed into the house in the greatest of anguish. “Oh, Hector,” she wailed, “I've just been bitten by a dog!” “There, there, darling,” soothed the brand-new husband, “don't you worry. Just you go and put some peroxide on ii “Bu-but I-I can't,” she sobbed. “It- it’s run away !"—Brooklyn Eagle. Prnsonar—Col. Charles Lindbergh made a flying trip to Central America recently.—Florida Times-Union. Redundancy: Needless repetition, us “old-fashioned cook stove.” —St. Louis Post-Dispatch. Old Lady: Ye CALt.vs ’UssY, SITTIN’ THERE CALMLY SMOK- IN’ AFTER YE'VE RUN A POOR MAN DowN! —Tatler (London). comicbooks.com