Life — February 9, 1928 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Hazer: You may give me some gilt- edged securities for my birthday. Nut: I didn't know you liked fancy garters. A Liberty Writer Gets Up 8 A.M. Alarm clock goes into ac- tion. (Ringing time, 2 minutes and 11 seconds.) Reaches out arm to throttle clock, which dives to floor and rolls under dresser, still ring- ing. (Continued ringing time, 1 minute and 7 seconds.) Leaps from bed and dashes for window to take morning exercises. Decides it’s too cold. (Deciding time, 144 seconds.) Turns on radiator and finds there’s no steam. (Cursing time, 1 minute and 18 seconds.) Crawls back into bed to warm up. (Warming time, 3 minutes and $82 seconds.) Falls asleep. (Sleeping time, 16 minutes and 41 seconds.) Wife screams into his ear that toast is burnt to a cin- der, ete., etc. (Screaming time, 2 minutes and 11 seconds.) Sits up in bed and tells her he is awake. (Lying time, 1 minute and 3 sec- onds.) Lies down again as soon as she goes out. Falls asleep. (Con- tinued snoozing time, 14 minutes and 17 seconds.) Wife returns with pitcher of ice water. Gazcs at her gifted husband with supreme dis- gust. (Gazing time, 9 seconds.) Pours ice water in his face. (Pour- ing time, ¥% second.) Author rises. (Rising time, '/,, second.) Asia Kagowan. Life Valentine [*"Y, on the fourteenth, when you Greet the postman with a smile, May these simple lines I pen you Thrill your soul effete, awhile; May an instant blush, ecstatic, On your carmined cheek appear, Measures dulcet, soft, beatic Penctrate your carringed ear. At your birth the friendly fairies Lavished charms—the milkmaids who Decorate poetic dairies Haven't got a thing on you— Gave you verve and vim and figure Pleasing to madame modiste ; What the style or what the rig, you're Perfect, dear, to say the least. Though you are the inspiration For this laudatory verse With its pseudo-oblectation, Lady, here’s my message terse: Really I am unimpassioned— Cold my heart as sodden moss— But a Valentine is fashioned Thus, of blah and applesauce. Dugald Dhu. Foresight “Tu hand it to Johnson.” “What for?” “He got married on the twenty- ninth of February.” “What's the date got to do with it?” “He forgets his wedding anni- versary only once every four years.” a ID you enjoy your trip to Quebec?” “Not much.” “Why not?” “There's too darned much red tape about getting liquor up there.” “They grinned when the waiter spoke to me in French.” “So did I. It was a good story.” Unnecessary [™ not plaming a vacation trip this year. There are a couple of national parks I haven't visited, and several resorts I’ve often thought I'd like to take in some time. But it would be only a waste of time and money to start a tour this spring or early summer. I haven’t been able to get last year’s stickers off the windshield, and there isn't room on it for any new ones. C.J. Modernity OTTIE: What do you think! Bill’s asked me to marry him! Lorriz: Honestly! “Er—no—just companionately.” SUPERSALESMAN is one who could sell another set of secret papers to William Randolph Hearst. Tue Boy: Ya gotta lotta noive waitin’ on all those people before me, when I was here foist. Is ‘at th’ way t’ treat a customer? Gimme one cent’s wort’ o' nuts. I TH rel frank Babe Herb back, outfie walk. don't overe: see D becau gets make The ¢ the 1 other nation it, th the | happ that a lool As f Amer deep how ; Kiki Pitts tain); penn tion comicbooks.com