Life — February 2, 1928 — page 14: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“WP OOK, Dullorcez, izzay two I's in | j willun?.. 1 dunno why, but I aw-waze gettat wuyd mix- tup with fylun——fylun’s ony got one 1, ainnit?...I thosso, buttye wuzzn sure; I think spellunz offal hard, yunnoe, speshly wenya ain't sure whatcha notes mean ennyhow. :+-Whassat, Anner? — Misser Duzzee wom- Awright, tellim I'll be rye tin. Say, lissun, Dulloreez, waitl I te what happunta me lass night... .On- nussly, ya'll die wenya hear aboutut! «++I never hassusha thing happunta me ...I wuz gonna take a bath, see, an’ I mussa forgutta lock tha bathroom door, an’ I wuz juss step- . pun inna tha tub, an’ onnussly iwwazza_ limmut olluvva sunnn, tha door opunz, antha fella that rooms acrossa hall cumzin, inniz bathrobe, witha towl overizz arm well, onnussly, Dulloreez: ! -Wellee juss stoodare inna door likee wuz pettuffide ur sumpm, bub- bulleeve me, J wuzzn_pettuffide—I juss saddown innat tub sa hard immade my teethake, I parzuttivly never sad- down sa hard immye life. ...An’ I wuzzaz mad as two dogs, annye sezz tooum, I sezz, ‘Cantcha see thaze summuddy in here?’ TI sezz. ‘Ware's ya man- nuz?’ I sezz, hidun behine a coupla fossuts, annee juss stoodare, rootud ta tha floor, I onnussly coont help bubbee sorry forum. He kepp tryunta say sumpm, Annussun wossmee ? mte ta take dictayshn? Getting Acquainted annollee guttout wuz, ‘Blub! Blub!’ anniz face wuz all tha culluz atha rainbow, I never seena fella blush so, he looked like summuddy wuz playun cullud spotlights onnum, an- niz jaw hung down soze ya coulda played baskut-ball innut, an’ juss at that seccun, who hatta come woddlun along but Missuz Muggee, sheeza lannlady ainnatta swell finnush, huh?...An’ she, tha darnole fool,- uccourse she hatta gettut aw-wrong! ..-She waltzuss upta tha poor fella, anshee givesum a heave out inna tha hall, annen she takes her tuyn stan- nun in tha door——onnussta Gawd, Dulloreez, I’m tellun ya tha truth— an’ she holluz, ‘Pretty go-unz on furra respeccable roomun house!’ she sezz. ‘Ya cn packya trunk fuyss thing intha mornun, annif ya wuz my daughter,’ she sezz, tha fat bloon, ‘I'd take ya uccross my lap!’ she sezz, annye sezz, ‘Yeah,’ I sezz, ‘ifya hadda lap,’ I sezz—I coulda bitta—‘Cantcha use ya sense?’ I asta. ‘Usside frum tha fack that thaze a cole draff frummat door,’ I sezz, ‘daya thinkiss any fun fa me ta sittere with nuthun on bummye eye- browz, wile evvybuddy in- tha block comes an’ stanz talkun ut over?’ I sezz. ‘Whadda ya think,’ I asta, ‘thuttye tole im ta drop aroun any time an’ we'd havva swim? Daya think I'm sa nuyvvuss I can’t bear ta be alone?’ I sezz, an’ she juss stoodare, with tha meanuss esspreshun I wuz maddanuffta tear out tha bathtub by tha roots an’ throw ut inna face! ‘Cantcha unner- stan, yole allugaytur,’ I finely yellz atta, ‘I forgutta lock tha door! I'm takun a bath, annye jennly takum alone, so pleeze get tout,’ I sezz. ‘Whadda ya think I yam,’ I sczz, ‘a gole-fish?’...7\ell, she finel aaa we I'll be rithare, Misser An- nussun, I’m juss askun sumpm abouttem form lettuz........Antha funny part uvvut izziss, Dullorcez, this fella cumzup ta me this mornun an’ apollujjizuss, anneeze reely offal nice...I sorta been watchun im— ya know whutta mean—sorta lookun im over, ever since he come, buttceze offal shy, an’ I never cusseem ta getta rize outuvvum before, bunnow, I think we're gonna be reel good frenz—what happunnd lass_ night, issorta broke tha ice, yunnoe......- Yess, Misser Annussun, I'm cummun jussuz soonaz I fine my dictayshn pad........Issa funny thing, Dul- loreez—I never been sa modified in awmye life, but on tha other han, sometimes tha darnuss esspceriuns- suss tuyn out ta be all fatha bess. ...Ainnit tha truth, huh?...... Wuz ya callun me, Misser Annus- sun?” Heman Fay, Jr. comicbooks.com me la