Life, 1928-01-05 · page 9 of 34
Life — January 5, 1928 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three humor pieces satirizing early 20th-century social attitudes: **"Travail of Two Tired Press Agents"** mocks the absurd ideas publicity agents propose. The dialog reveals their desperation: suggesting an orphaned baby or an elephant through the mail as publicity stunts. The satire targets both the agents' lack of ethics and the public's appetite for sensational stories. **"The Acid Test"** cartoon jokes about a husband's cocktail-making prowess, with the caption suggesting only an American could create such a drink. **"Quick on the Draw"** features a guest (Mr. Perkins from Chicago) humorously over-explaining his lack of weapons and military equipment to a skeptical hotel clerk—likely satirizing post-WWI paranoia or the unusual need to clarify one isn't armed.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Travail of Two Tired Press Agents Trying to Build Up a New One “GHE'S dead as a stuffed owl, but she keeps on breathin’—” “It ain't her fault: she always was slow on the uptake. Kind-hearted girl, though. She says to me, ‘If you boys don’t pull somethin’ inside of a week you can look for a job pushin’ somethin’.’ ” . “Yeah. Soft-hearted as a front axle. Reasonable, though. All she expects is the impossible. Who wants to read about that baby when there’s plenty of stock-yard reports?” “Gimme one of your Turkish mile- stones an’ a match— .... How about blowin’ up the Brooklyn Bridge in the rush hour? They need a new one anyway—" “How you goin’ to tie her up with that? She can’t even blow up a high note!” “Search me, unless we handcuffed her to it just before it went off—" “I'd like that too, but it’s one of those swell dreams that never come true. Suppose we have somebody send her an elephant through the mail?” “Don’t be dumb, leave that to her. How about gettin’ her engaged to somebody ?”” =HVEKOR The Acid Test “Why, Father! What makes you think he’s a bogus count?” “He drank that cocktail I made without batting an eye—nobody but an American can do that.’ WOMAN’S idea of a fifty-fifty split is for her husband to give her half the money and then pay all Quick on the Draw HE hotel clerk glanced at the “Too dangerous. The last time she wanted to marry the feller. He was after me with a bottle of prussic acid.” “It tasted like prussic acid maybe. That's the fusel oil.” “I don’t know what I'd do without you. You're so clever.” “It’s the truth that hurts— Say—why not have her jewels disappear?” “Great! It’s a whale of an idea, except that I didn’t know she had any jewels only her five children—” “You like the idea, huh?” “Sure thing. We can plant ‘em right in her hotel an’ they can be found by some bird that'll turn out to be a Count.” “Say, wait a minute—I got an idea, better than the jewels. We'll have her robbed of her new $38,000 mink coat.” “She ain't got a mink coat.” “We could rent one to fit her.” “No, we couldn’t — they ain’t that many minks.” Heman Fay, Jr. the bills. Sue: What is the name of this piece? He: Why do you ask? Sue: I want to be sure not to get it for the victrola, register and beamed at the guest who had just signed it. “How are you, Mr. Per- kins? From Chicago, eh? Well....” “Yes, I'm from Chicago,” snapped Mr. Perkins. ‘No, I left my bullet-proof vest at home. Yes, I’ve a couple of machine guns in my traveling bag. No, I didn't bring the heavy artillery with me. Yes, any man’s lucky to live in Chi- cago. No, I didn’t drive to the station in an armored taxicab. Yes, I heard that one about Mayor Thompson and the English muffins, And now that I've saved you the trouble of asking all these questions, will you show me to a room?” Chet Johnson. TP AXICAB DRIVER (testify- ng in breach-of-promise suit): They only kissed once, but it was a long kiss. Lawyer: Did you time it? Taxicas Driver: Yes, sir—it was $2.50 by the meter. comicbooks.com