Life — December 1, 1927 — page 62: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ma 8 tf i December 25—The Same Bein’ Christmas the East who ain't a-workin’ an’ need somethin’ to do, I sure can give ‘em a job. From what I understand, it was three wise men that started this Christmas idea an’ now it's up to three of ‘em—six mebbe to come out here in Hollywood an’ get things straightened out. I'm a great believer in Christ- mas—I like it forty ways; I like the spirit of it an’ I like to make presents. But the selectin’ an’ deliverin’ of Christmas gifts in Hollywood just now is a tough proposition an’ that's why I need help. In these days of heavy di- vorcin’, you don’t know who's whose; or, if you do know, you ain't sure how long they're a-goin’ to stay whose. I do my Christmas shop- pin’ early, pickin’ up things durin’ the year, an’ by the time December arrives, as a rule, I’m all set. As an illus- tration, back in April, I picked up what I thought would be a nice present for Bert Lytell an’ his wife, Claire Windsor, something for their household. Now, at am I a-goin’ to do with They've separated. If I knew ch one of ‘em was a-goin’ to get married first, I'd send it to that one. This same doubt runs all along the line. I had some nice table linen for another friend — prominent directo’ now he an the missus have split an’ both are a-boardin’. What am I a-goin’ to do with these table cloths an’ napkins? What married couple do I know that I can depend upon to keep house long enough to in- vite me to dinner, so I can see how the linen looks when used ? [' there are three wise men in HIS is just one of my prob- lems an’ why T need the three wise men—East or West. But I do know out here one man. Whenever there's a divorce proceedin’ started in Hol- lywood, it's a safe High, Low, wise By Tom Mix Jack an’ the Game bet that Mil- ton Cohen, a Los Angeles lawyer —an’ a mighty smart feller, by the is vither for or against. Any time a local judge starts a Hollywood divorce trial, even without lookin’ at the papers, he first makes sure that Milton Cohen is in the courthouse. Be- sides, Cohen represents most of the stars when they sign contracts with the producers. So it is that this Mr. Cohen knows a heap about what's goin’ on in Holly- wood, an’ what's more important, about how long it’s likely to keep The Book of the Month goin’. In my dilemma—him an’ me bein’ mighty good friends an’ both belongin’ to the same lodge —I hunts up Mr. Cohen an’ shows him my Christmas list. “Milton,” says I, “you got to stop divorcin’ a coupl’a hours an’ check up on this Yuletide list of mine. When you see names an’ presents that ain't a-goin’ to fit in, an’ where 1 lawyer, you know there's desertion, cruel an’ in- hu treatment, excessive in- toxicants an’ other loose grounds a-floatin’ in the air, just cross ‘em off an’ I'll revise.” What Cohen did to that list of mine was somethin’ terrible. When he got through with his markin’, it looked like an aero- plane map of Chateau-Thierry just after the Americans had chased their German boy friends over the Marne. I started the legal gent with the names of about twenty couples. When he got through a-dividin’ of ‘em up, it looked like I was in for somethin’ like thirty instead of the origi- nal twenty, an’ the new 1927-28 monickers of some of ‘em was mighty interestin’, WENT home, decidin’ to take stock of my presents. All I'd be n’ gifts here em away in more or less An’, I'd been a-puttin’ by a lot of presents I'd got dur- in’ the years past an’ couldn't use—as is the case with most Christmas presents—intendin’ to save money by passin’ of ‘em on. In or- der not to pull a boner, I had branded each one of the old gifts so I would know the sex, color an’ range they was originally shipped from, thereby ‘avoidin’ the sendin’ of ‘em back to the same home ranch from whence they came. I'd put ‘em all in the » place. en I took a peek in the closet. Shelves were empty. A few unwrapped presents scattered around here an’ there was all that remained. I sent for my deputy butler, who is sort of supposed to look after my things any time he can be spared from the rest of the household. “Young feller,” says I sternly, “what's happened to this closet? What's become of all those Christ- mas presents I’ve been a-buyin’ an’ the old ones I've been a-sav- in’? What's happened, an’ make myself some says he, being the only person who ever calls me mister, “I might as well tell you, sir, since Mrs. from Europe, she’s been a-usin’ of ‘em for prizes at her bridge parties!” What made it worse, Mrs. Mix had switched around the brands I had placed on the few that was left (Please turn to page 72) Mix came home comicbooks.com 13