Life, 1927-12-01 · page 23 of 80
Life — December 1, 1927 — page 23: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
**Left side:** Two satirical humor pieces typical of Life magazine's style: 1. **"Christmas Statistics"** by Sidney Skolsky: Mock statistical humor about the holiday season—12,549 children write Santa, one will ask how he's in all stores simultaneously (destined to become an "efficiency expert"), 1.5 million wives buy neckties for husbands, etc. The joke is the absurdist specificity of completely made-up numbers presented as fact. 2. **"If Floorwalkers Said What They Actually Thought"** by Arthur L. Lippmann: A monologue imagining department store employees saying what they *really* think about customers—revealing frustration, exhaustion, low wages, and contempt for shoppers' questions. The satire mocks both the workers' mistreatment and customer obliviousness during busy shopping season. **Right side:** A full-page advertisement for Add-a-Pearl necklaces—a marketing gimmick where parents buy an initial pearl necklace for a girl, then add pearls as she grows older, eventually becoming a complete strand by adulthood. The advertisement presents this as a sentimental investment in her future.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
| i Christmas Statistics kK youngsters will write 12, 549 letters to Santa Claus and one youngster will ask his mother how Santa Claus can be in all the department stores at the same time. His mother will tell the neighbors he is a genius. He wili grow up to be an efficiency expert. 1,598,382 wives will buy neckties for their husbands, 0,000,001 husband will wear the neckt he one who wears a green tie on Saint Patrick's Day. 198,007,683 men who have been called everything during the will now be called—Santa Claus. 640,957 authors will write Christ- mas rhymes. The same number will also work on spring poetry. One fellow, on secing the red and green lights of the Bronx Express, will observe that the train is deco- rated for Christmas, | Eight people who overhear will think he ought to be on the stage. He probably is. 189 people will send in lists of Christmas Statistics to humorous magazines. Please file the rest.... They'll be good next year. Sidney Skolsky. If Floorwalkers Said What They Actually Thought “CAAN'T yuh read, lady? There it is right in front of your eyes: ‘NOTIONS AND RIBBONS.’... For the tenth time, madam, two aisles over. What's the matter? Are | you deaf?...No, Mrs. Higgin- botham, I don't know where you can | leave your baby. I suppose you ex-| pect-me to hold it!...No, Mrs. Yontiff, fish food is not sold in the furniture department....Three aisles over, sister. THREE! You) heard me, you ain't blind... .Good | morning, Mr. Johnamaker. Sure, business is good but that’s no jelly | on my bread. Thirty bucks a weck —starvation wages—you pay me and I've got to wear a cutaway and fresh carnation every day. I could be making my fifty bucks easy on a milk wagon....No, lady, I haven't seen your husband. Look in the hosiery department...Ship models, lady? No. Why don’t you try the Navy Yard?...Cotton drapes on the fourth—there goes the clo: bell. Find it yourself, lady I ain't get- ting a penny extra for working over- time. Out of my way, madam—I've got a date at six.” Arthur L. Lippmann. In timexa completed pearl necklace! ©tDuar gift could bring a little girl more agual delight than an Add-a-pearl Strand of a few genuine pearls? And as she grows older—as you and others add new pearls to the string — the gift becomes even more precious and more loved. Until—when she has reached womanhood—she wears with pride a magnifi- cent necklace of genuine Oriental pearls. An Add-a- pearl necklace is nota mere faddish giftofa day ora year —it is a possession to be cherished through a lifetime There's nothing more beautiful than genuine dd-a-hear Correspondence invited from dealers only Jeweler Buy additional pearls for your Add-a-pearl necklace on this card. It guarantees perfection THE ADD-A-PEARL COMPANY 108 North State Street - Chicago comicbooks.com