Life — July 28, 1927 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life AUST UEIWEEN U6 GIDL © | The Counsellor I MET a man, the other day— A kindly man, and serious— Who viewed me in And spoke me so, and 5} “Oh, dallying’s a sad mistake; Tis craven to survey the morrow! Go give your heart, and if it break A wise companion is Sorrow. Oh, | To crowd your coffin when you're dead.” ... 1 asked his work; he dealt in coal, And shipped it up the Tyne, he said Dorothy Parker. 1 thoughtful way, me thus: my child, nor keep your soul Are the Bible and Science Irreconcilable? Emphatically No, Says Noted Writer and Tells Story to Prove It NCE upon a time—ons and wons ago—there lived “ACTUALLY, my dear, Pin ALL hot and BOTHered on the carth only a tiny molecule called Atom, é I mean Lam HONestly ready to ROLL over and Atom was very happy for a while, what with all the BU'Tter myself. with disMAY at’ this point bec privacy he enjoyed; what with unlimited idleness; what DID you sce where it said in the PApers that a | with the opportunity to muse at length upon the mys- simply POIsonous DOCtors in, LONdon said that fifty teries of Nature; what with —? You may well ask. SEVen per CENT. of the DEbutantes who were pre For with the coming of the glacial period and the — sented at COURT had RHEUmatism in the KNEES nights that were always cool no mat-— T mean did you ACtually ever HEAR of anything more Atom grew lonesome. He UTterly perVERTed? "And I mean it said that thes DEBS SIMply TREPida when they sort of came IN te ‘ their BOW 1b re the King and QUEEN, my dear, because their KNEES SQUEAKED! — can you BEAR it? Tf mean 1 HONesth think it is the ViLest iDEA [ve ever KNOWN—I mean it SIMply SLAYS me. no less, because 1 AC tually think all this tal vat these DEBS having KNEES that SQUEAKED because they had RHEUmatism is just a lot of CAL because these DOCtors debs had REEUmatism be they wore SKIRTS you BEAR it? Tomean did A\Ctually ever hear of any more abSURD, my dear vou practicably never hear of anybody. getting SQUEAKS in their NECKS, do you know what I mm? But T honestly think there SOMEthing you could DO KNEES would not SQUEAK when you were being pre sented at COURT because I T think vou could OTL them or s IT mean I ACtually DO! long quiet nights ter how hot the days were felt the need of companionship. Stretching his heavenward (they were really only flagella-like tentacles: but why go into that?), he cried pathetically, “If...oh, if if only. ..if..." And his prayer, inarticulate may sound to us of a later genera- were arms as it tion, was not permitted to go un- heard or unanswered, For God came down upon the earth and gave Atom what he prayed for. So in the beginning there were mn Courtenay Akt. tle cc and cause short After the Honeymoon " | can HTHERTO unpublished list of you gifts from the bridegrooy: to the bride: Six knives, six spoons. because forks and six ‘Two sheets. One bedside lamp. Four bath towels. One desk set Nine face towels One blanket. Thirty-two individual cakes of must be so your thing soap in the original wrappers One Bible. (This list is made available for publication through the courtesy of Hotel Splendor, the House, the Pullman Company, the Fall River Line, and the Gideons.) Bill Sykes. Commercial Steeping the Sabbath Mother: JOUNNY, witnT ane you DOING? below): WeLeING MASI Johnny (from ADDY stint THE Mothe COME UPSTAIRS THIS MIN- UTE; IT's TIME TO GET DRESSED POR SUNDAY SCHOOL. Lloyd Mayer. Just Between, Etc. a | ID you fix the tea biscuits tl way [told you to, Annic Are they hot? Sure buttered ! ma’am, they're all hof and comicbooks.com