Life — April 14, 1927 — page 17: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Li SUST BETWEEN US GIRLE “M Y dear, I'm simply LIVid—I mean I am ACtually ready to roll over and BUTter myself with RAGE because practicably EVerywhere you GO nowadays some simply obNOXious person proDUces this VILE QUES- tion book and begins ASKing you all these simply POISonous QUEStions that simply do NOT make SENSE because I mean they are practicably ALL of them just perfectly idiOTic questions that you would not KNOW unless you looked them UP, I mean, which would be a simply FRIGHTful waste of TIME because I mean you will get all hot and BOTHered about some QUEStion that sounds like it might have rather an ex- CITing ANswer and you will find, inSTEAD, that the ANswer says ‘Henry CLAY’ or ‘They are CHEESes’ or something ODD and RAUcous like THAT, my dear. But it is ACtually the MOST emBARrassing experi- ence to GO somewheres to a PARty or something and have somebody begin ASKing these rePULsive questions beause I mean you FEEL emBARrassed to TEARS, my dear, when you cannot ANswer any of them, and you are SUDdenly posSESsed with a mad PASsion to ANswer one of them RIGHT or something, which sort of LURES you into alLOWing them to keep ASKing you, do you know what I mean? But, my dear, I am PERfectly they have made a lot of misTAKES in this re- volting BOOK because I mean one of these QUEStions, my dear, is ‘What is a SATyr?’ and the ANswer which the BOOK gives to it is ‘HALF a GOAT’ or something, but I mean ANYbody KNOWS, my dear, that a SATyr is something that somebody WRITES when they want to make FUN of something so I mean I ACtually think this simply POISonous BOOK should be supPRESSED because, ANYways, I honestly think the AUthors of it ix WROTE it to make MONey—I mean I Actually . Lloyd Mayer. The Veteran! “HAVE you any war record?” “Yes; I served three years with the Innocent By- standers in Chicago.” Wat a woman doesn’t know about driving an automobile will fill almost any street. Aspen ee Irate Main Street Magistrate: you're viNep TWENTY- FIVE DOLLARS FOR SPEEDING, AND NOW GET OUT OF THIS TOWN AS FAST As you can! Story-of-the-Week OMER F. GUPP, who, back in 1900, had been the baby-of-the-year in his family, was roused from sleep by the ring of a telephone. He answered it and, as he expected, was told that this was the hour for rising, an hour agreed upon by a committee as the hour- of-the-morning to get out of bed. As he dressed Homer wondered if all the members of the committee who had selected this hour were already up, but he was too tired to think much about it. Breakfast was somewhat delayed, but soon Homer heard the postman’s cheery whistle, and he dashed out and received a menu, neatly wrapped, indicating the breakfast-of-the-day. The meal over, he stepped into his car-of-the-month and rode downtown. It was a bleak morning, and Homer decided that it would be quite all right to stop at a speakeasy recom- mended by another committee as the club-of-the-hour. So he stopped there and ordered a highball and the waiter said: “Scotch or rye?” That was forty-eight hours ago, and Homer is still sitting there, trying to make up his mind. Thomas Langan. True to Form UTO ENTHUSIAST (to his friend at the table): What is your favor- ite car, may I ask? Portty Frienp: The “Gr-R-R-R!” dines: comicbooks.com