Life — March 24, 1927 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A Hitherto Untold Tale “WONDER what the matter is,” thought Heinie, [ets had been for some little time in the Enchanted Woods. In front of him was a large assortment of animals gathered around a fierce-looking old man who seemed to be lecturing them. “Business! Business! Nothing but business!” the man was saying. “Of all impossible creatures in this animalhousie you beavers are the worst. Work eighteen hours a dz nd talk the other six about the log market! | Your creed of thrift—so called—is rank imbecility. It | is the creed of ants, New Englanders i Heinie listened to the rest of the harangue in awe stricken silence and then timidly approached the Boss of the Forest. The Table Water in- : comparable is Perrier : from France— the nat- sion! VISION!” roared the Boss. “Don’t use | ural sparkling water. that word around he Vision nothing.” He paused a For tratn-thirst Perrier minute. “WIENERSCHNITZEL !—That’s what it is!” is without an equal. 5 The interview, as regarded that point at least, Heinie concluded, was closed. He glanced towards the Beaver Pond, noted that the beavers were extremely hard at Served in all dining cars and buffet cars of Amer- work building houses for the winter, but remained dis- ica’s foremost railroads creetly silent. and by clubs, hotels and “Nice trees you have around here,” ventured Heinie restaurants everywhere. * timidly, by way of changing the subject. As a matter of fact,” retorted the Boss witheringly, “the trees around here have taken a sad decline in the ih past twenty-five years.” e 6r Hy “Too bad,” replied the youngster, somewhat mystified. “Er—the rabbits are nice.” ‘THE CHAMPAGNE OF TABLE WATERS Y “All IT have to say to that,” answered the old man E. & J. Burke, Ltd. ‘ f savagely, “is that if the future of the Enchanted Woods \ Sole Agents U.S.A. Long Island City, N.Y. depends on cultural and executive efficacy of the present | day representatives of that species around these parts, : God help the Enchanted Woods!” i “I said ‘rabbits,’ not ‘Babbitts.’ ” = “What of it?” glowered the Boss. Heinie was more at sea than ever. “You must like co 7 something——” r , QOH BOY, } “Bach, Beer, and Beethoven!” Then the strangest WE BROKE | thing of all occurred. Without an instant’s warning, r the Boss twined himself a wreath of daisies, draped it y over his head, placed his arm lovingly around a young s gazelle, and beamed at Heinie as pleasantly as you ‘ please—just like that. P “What—" began the little boy. s “Just to show you I really am a regular fellow. Now : the basic trouble with—" c “Excuse me,” broke in Heinie, who had at that very B instant been seized with a Brilliant Inspiration, “but I B must be running along home.” He sidled away. “I’ve got a date at the movies, and—” “The movies! THE MOVIES!” bellowed the Boss, outraged past all enduring. “My dear young man, may I remind you that the kind of people who like the movies are the type who think that Shakespeare wrote the Iliad, that the Y. M—” But it was too late. Heinle plus his Brilliant Inspiration had fled. And not so many years later, Heinie, perhaps more often referred to as Henry L. Mencken, had become this country’s severest —and I might add most inexplicable—critic. Parke Cummings. So Simple! 'TRUGGLING AUTHOR: Every time a manuscript comes back to me, I’m so discouraged I can hardly bring myself to send it out again. Briont Frrenp: Well, why give them your address? “THE GAY NINETIES” comicbooks.com