Life — January 20, 1927 — page 24: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“1 DON’T SEE WHY YOU GO AROUND WITH THAT SAPPY- LOOKING JONES KID.” “OM, 1e'S ALL RIGHT IN A CLINCH.” The Life of the Party F I could learn to play the ukulele, The oboe, clarinet or saxophone, The glockenspiel, marimbaphone or zither, The ocarina, flute or slide trombone; If I could aggravate the grand piano, The tympani or, failing them, the drum, The lute or the melodcon or fiddle, The piccolo or the harmonium; If I could learn to devastate a banjo Or tickle melodies from a guitar— The ads. all say I'd never miss on parties, Nor find them dull, as now they say they are; I'd be the shining light where friends foregather And play upon my (ukulele, oboe, clarinet or sax, tympani or piccolo, zither or guitar, ocarina, banjo, glockenspiel or flute, marimbaphone or fiddle, melodeon or lute, trombone or piano) [vote for only one] Forsooth I'd be the life of every party, The while the other fellows had the fun. Carroll Carroll. Fancy Stuff Unnecessary ROMOTER: I want five thousand stock certificates printed. Printer: Something distinctive and elaborate? Promoter: Oh, no; this is a legitimate proposition. NYHOW, we'd rather be right just now than President of Nicaragua. December 52m a-caroling, “Joy to the world, the Lord h is come, and sixteen A.D.T.’s!” for that our 25t bell did begin to ring before eight o'clock, and I so a-twitter over the arrival of packages and tele. grams that at moments I did suffer from nervous nausea, and Sam said he could not tell whether I was more thrilled by Helen Zinsser’s annual yard of sausage or the beer Jack White’s father made than by the handsome period secrétaire from the C.’s or the 1790 ladderback chairs which our cousins in England did commission Mr. Cooper to send us. This year a triumph in one respect, for I did at last find for my husband a camel’s-hair dressing-gown in [ whose favor he will discard the atrocity which cost him s guinea ten years ago in London and which did become dearer to him than any other article in his wardrobe, f albeit I could never regard it without reacting, tear that tattered ensign dow Marge Boothby in after breakfast, to look over the loot, as she said, and bearing the most magnificent centerpiece of silver flowers for our table that ever I saw in my life, and so excited did she wax over the tiny identification plate which Eloise Brown sent me to sew on my sable neckpiece that I § should have turned it over to Marge straightway had it been engraved with her name instead of my own, froa FF the sheer generosity of spirit which this season does awaken in the meanest of us. Then we did play some of the new records on the portable gramophone which San bought for my dressing-room, liking in especial George Gershwin at the piano in his own new jazz, and the Philadelphia Orchestra’s version of the Orpheus and the Midsummer Night's Dream music. So to luncheoa, making a fine meal off turtle soup, curried shrimps, and green salad flanked with some of the ham which Mabel Loomis did send us. Afterwards for a round of visits, F ending up for a final eggnog at Douglas Parmentier's, and finding there Mr. Osbert Sitwell, the English writer, F who did have a briquet in the shape of a revolver which § so startled me when he first approached my with it that I was at some pains not to throw up mr hands. His discourse exceedingly agreeable and humor ous, and I do pray God that he spoke the truth when be professed to read fair fame and for tune in the lines of my palm. called “Revelry,” which is supposed to fictionize the grafting of a recent administration and which seems to te based on the & traordinary differ aan — ence between the JUST A COUPLE OF OTHER scoTcH inside and_outsé JOKES (Cont. on page 2%) comicbooks.com