Life — January 6, 1927 — page 27: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

rak- our not, tere sn't “nn Life Some Day I Shall Write a Novel— Is which nobody will press his hand against his throb- bing temple. Nobody will toss away a cigarette stub with a bored, cynical smile. “No man character will have iron-gray hair, a sardonic face, long, slender hands, or a long, low car. No woman character will have an exquisite boy’s body, a heart-shaped mouth, or sleck, closely cropped hair. No child character will have an odd, dark, elflike little face. Nobody will be either betrayed or divorced. have the bad taste to speak of it anyway. The hero will be given his choice between his love and his legacy, and will take the legacy. The heroine will be modest and retiring, gentle of speech and very domestic. There will be no chapters introduced for the purpose of displaying my skill at reproducing the atmosphere of a small town, ‘ Or of New York, or Chinatown, or Greenwich Vil- lage, or a backwoods school, or a tenement, or a uni- versit3 No character—man, woman plain face but a beautiful soul. And nobody—man, woman or child—will buy the book. Dorothy R. Kissling. As One Fan to Another \ TELL, old timer, I see where the Amateur Athletic Union has forbidden visits of foreign athletes to the United States until after the next Olympiad. An amateur, you know, is supposed to compete for love of the game, but the A, A. U. doesn’t purpose letting that love lead to his becoming wedded to a sport. Maybe the troubles they had with Charlie Hoff gave the dear A. A. U. officials plenty of occasions to ponder whercto love of a sport might lead. You remember that they said to Hoff, “Now you go and compete in San Fran- cisco"—or was it Los An- geles? Hoff answered, “Gentlemen, I. don’t wish to.” “Don’t you know you've been advertised to com- pete?” the A. A. U. de- manded. “Think of all the money the promoters have Nor or child—will have a Of All the Mean Tricks ) SHE WENT OUT IN THE SNOW IN HER BATHING SUIT, AND NOT ONE NEWSPAPER 8 1OTOGRAPHER.” simplicity was all for the good of the game, but it escapes my memory if ever an offi : U. went abroad for an Olympic mee ar mission, in anything but the bridal suite of a c But, of course, they aren't professionals, $s men. I will never forget the late Tiny Maxwell's definition of an amateur as a man who wouldn't ra check. It appears that an amateur official is a man who won't give one, James Kevin McGuinness. The Real Estate Salesman Goes Crazy ‘$F hie greatest opportunity of the age located in “ the exact center of the fashionable Gooseberry Bog residential section where the kiddies can breathe the pure air and trust deeds with a fifty-foot frontage in escrow why help make your landlord rich when the Schnitzelbaum Ice-Pick Company is going to build a twenty-million-dollar branch factory next to these lots warm in winter and cold in summer right on the crest of the hill in a sheltered val- ley you'll regret it all the rest of your life if you don’t buy sewers gas-mains and street-lights executed in me- diwval Aztec design where nature did her best all the great fortunes have been taken in because you're supposed to appear. What t the gate receipts— you dirty professional, you!” You can’t get away from logic like that, old timer. made in real estate by grow- ing your own vegetables handy to and churches we're not trying to sell you we're doing you a favor by permitting you to schools After all, an amateur’s first invest in perfect freedom duty is to the gate receipts. You will recall that the A. from mosquitoes where only the very best people live A. U. brought Paavo Nurmi over here second-cabin, and sent him home the same way. I suppose such Jeffersonian “THIS PISTOL FIRES SIX SHOTS.” BUT I HAVE ONLY ONE HUSBAND.” with a second mortgage al- most around the corner from the railroad station.” Robert Lord. comicbooks.com