Life — December 23, 1926 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

[_] Striking hostess with bottle. |_| Spanking hostess or female guests. Riding to hounds in drawing room. Riding to hounds in ballroom. Excessive screaming. Frequent absence from party. Protracted absence from party. Extreme inebriation. Excessive destruction of furnitare. Complete loss of equilibrium. Partial loss of equilibriam. Throwing glasses. Insulting guests, Indisereet petting. Nausea. “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” MY. cseccccrccccceserceces erreericr regrets exceedingly his deplorable conduct while a guest at your (J) Dance Party sevening and humbly craves your pardon for the Breach of Etiquette checked in the adjoining column “JUST A REAL Goop Carp.” En Rapport I co to a séance with Ma- bel As frequently as IT am able; It is such a lark To hold hands in the dark, And pretend you are turning a table. —Cambridge Granta, Secrets Are Whispered Litriz Lizerre was quite noisy, so Mother put her finger to her lips and said: “Sh! Lizette, not so loud “Why; am Ia secret? asked the little tot. —Boston Transcript, “Dip he leave town un- der a cloud?” “You could hardly call it that, It was more like a cyclone.” —Youngstown Telegram, SIGNOR BATTI 18 $0 TEMPERA- MENTAL THAT HE CANNOT EVEN SING IN HIS BATH WITHOUT AN AUDIENCE. —Toronto Goblin, “Me BUY A THIMBLE! WHAT THE BLAZES SHOULD I wa “WELL, YER MIGHT USE IT AS A ’AT.” —London Opinion, Revived Arter a long taxi ride a Scot handed the driver the legal fare and a three- penny-piece as a tip. The ch red at the offending coin, said scornfully, “wot's this? ye're a sportsr * beamed the “DIL say ‘tails.’ ” —Sporting and Dramatic News. A Young Einstein Two small boys were waiting to cross Euclid Avenue in heavy traffic. One said: “Come on, let's go across.” No,” answered the other, “let's wait for an empty space to come along.” —Cleveland Plain Dealer. Trarric Cop: Yeh, this is a one-way street and there ain’t no two ways about it—Cincinnati Cynic. <T A THIMBLE FoR?” Foreign Opinion First Tourist (in Paris): YES. MONTMANTHE...s110CKING! MOST UNUSUAL, You THERE EVERY NIGUT, Second Tourist: yes, so do t. —L'Ilustration (Paris), Scriptural Reference Lime Gi was very anxious to know the a of her aunt, so s! ked her grandmother. “I really don't know,” said her “I'd have to look it up in the family Bible “Is Auntie old enough to be in the Bible?” Gene gasped. —Indianapolis News. “And Nobody Seemed to Care” “Tuar’s a fairly good account of the reception,” nodded the editor, “but who was the hostess? “Oh,” sighed the new reporter, “nobody seemed to know.” —American Legion Monthly. Quite a Memory Saat Hite can remem- ber all the way back when the only scantily clad women on the streets were those who had just sseaped from a burning building. —Neve York Graphic. Axotnen pathetic little feature of day life is the way a mother always says: He is not really a bad boy. —Ohio State Journal. “uere’s AN ira, oInerte—ter’s GIVE LOULOU A BoyisiHt BoB!” —Le Petit Bleu (Paris). comicbooks.com