Life, 1926-12-23 · page 14 of 37
Life — December 23, 1926 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two satirical pieces from "The Gay Nineties" era: **"Box-Office God"** presents a cynical monologue from a subway guard boasting about insulting theater patrons and scalping tickets. The satire mocks both the guard's petty power-tripping and the desperation of theatergoers willing to overpay for sold-out shows. **"Thoughtful of Them"** is a brief joke about warring bootleggers (illegal alcohol distributors) who agreed to an armistice. The humor lies in the absurdity: their "best customers were among the bystanders they were hitting"—suggesting collateral damage from gang violence accidentally harmed the very people profiting from their illegal operations. Both pieces satirize urban American vices: ticket scalping and Prohibition-era organized crime.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
The Gay Nineties WHAT HAS BECOME OF THE GIRL WHO USED TO SHINE IER SHOES ON TIE BACK OF HER STOCKING? Box-Office God “WELL, we got a big hit running here now. Every- body wants to see it. Haven't had so many chances to insult people since I was a subway guard. Boy, but don’t I just shrivel ’em up when they come trying to buy tickets! ‘Nope. Not a thing downstairs till seven weeks from Wednesday.’ Guess that put the skids under that guy. The nerve of him—asking me to sell him a pair of tickets for to-night! You sure got to keep ’em in their place or they'll run right over you. ‘I'll let you have two in the last row gallery but they’re not together.’ Say, I’ve got this dame scared to death. ‘That's all I got. And if you don’t want 'em, it’s O. K. with me.’ I'm improving fast. With a little more practice I'll be able to insult ’em without opening my mouth. Here’s a guy trying to get my attention. Now what shall I do to keep him waiting? Honestly, this is a lot of fun. I might answer the phone—it's been ringing for the past ten minutes. ‘’Lo, Nope. Not a thing.” Ha, ha—I hung up just when she was trying to say something. Well, guess I’ve kept this guy in suspense long enough. I'll insult him now. ‘What? Not a chance. Move on. Others want to get up to the window.’ That'll learn him not to bother me no more. The crust of these boobs—trying to buy tickets at the box-office when the town is jammed with theatre ticket agencies !”” Robert Lord. Thoughtful of Them : Those warring bootleggers have agreed to an armistice. Victim: What brought them to that? Doctor: Some of their best customers were among the bystanders they were hitting. comicbooks.com