Life, 1926-12-02 · page 50 of 81
Life — December 2, 1926 — page 50: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This is a satirical essay by Don Herold critiquing retail stores' counterintuitive Christmas shopping practices. The author argues that stores, knowing they'll be mobbed during the holidays, do the opposite of what makes sense: they *add* counters, clerks, and obstacles rather than clearing space for crowds. The opening cartoon jokes about husbands procrastinating on gift-buying—the husband hasn't selected a present because his wife (the decision-maker) hasn't told him what she wants. Herold's main complaint: stores intentionally make shopping worse by stationing demonstrators and—most absurdly—installing Santa Claus displays in toy departments, which creates massive congestion precisely when stores should be minimizing obstacles. His satirical solution: move all these "vaudeville performances" to summer when stores are empty, and strip merchandise down in November-December to let customers actually move and purchase. The humor targets retail's illogical holiday strategy during peak shopping season.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Ohristms T, 7 (°@ Number “HAVE YOU SELECTED A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR YOUR WIFE YET?” “NO, SHE HASN'T.” (?hristmas Stuffing in the Stores DON'T think I will go into any stores this holiday n. The°storekeepers have crowded me out. have made their emporiums practically impene- trable at Christmas time. Last December I went into Johnamaker’s and was in there for two wecks before the Red Cross got me out. I would have starved if I had not caten tinsel. ode xe 9 The storekeepers reason (4) Jinte exactly backwards in regard to their holiday policy. They know that their stores will be K crowded as at no other time in the year. They know that every possible inch of floor- space should be cleared to make room for the mobs of hysterical gift-buyers. Aisles should be widened. Merchan- dise should be reduced to a minimum. Several floors of each of the big stores should be made entirely vacant so that customers may surge hither and thither unimpeded by counters or shelves. There should be nothing to purchase on these empty floors because when anybody stops to pur- chase anything it blocks traffic. Clerks should be fired right and left. Clerks take up room. As soon as November ar- rives, the big stores begin to contrive hazards for their Christmas customers. They put in new counters everywhere and stick clerks all over the store in all the empty spots. To make matters worse, these clerks are told to wait on nobody, or, if caught, to sell as slowly as possible. ‘‘Sell reluctantly and tedi- ously,” they are instructed. At especially critical points in the traffic streams, the stores will station demon- “pow fa) > Depart IA i strators. If they find points where there is unusual congestion, they plant somebody to explain the operation of a jumping . I have not even mentioned the worst offense of the big stores at Christmas time. Let us now make our way to the toy department (if we are able). Here of all places in the store we find the dens- est crowds. And what do the big stores do to simplify traffic condi- tions in the toy department? They install a Santa Claus. Knowing how children (and even parents) love and crowd around a Santa Claus, they permit and even encourage the presence of one in their toy department. The very days when they should be taking every precaution to keep people out of their toy department, they put in a Santa Claus to attract mobs and mess things up. Then all this talk about our doing our Christmas shopping early. If the storekeepers would make it possible for us to get into their stores and buy something and get OUT, we could ALL buy our things on December 24, and there would be no jamming. What is needed is that the stores should stage their vaudeville performances (including Santa Claus) in the middle of the summer when there are no customers in the store. If they have any jumping jacks to demonstrate, let them demonstrate them in July. In November and December they should cut merchandise and all other impedimentary foolishness to the bone and give us shoppers a chance for our money. Don Herold. comicbooks.com