Life — November 25, 1926 — page 33: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The Classics Made Simple As Shakespeare wrote it (Sonnet LXXXVII): “Farewell! thou art too dear for my possessing.” Translated into American: “L SSUN, I says to this jane. Ritzin’ me, hey? Givin’ me the high hat, hey? Handin’ me the run- around, hey? Slippin’ me a stand- up, hey? Lissun, dearie, I says, there ain't no frail puttin’ nothin’ over on this guy! If you're so godalmighty like you set up to be, I says, here's where Papa steps out of the picture. Henry Ford or John D. Rockefeller is the boy friend for you, I says. I'm only an ordinary gallump, I says, but there ain’t no skirt can tell me where she's puttin’ on the nose- bag when I’m buyin’ the oats. The Automat ain’t good enough for ycu, hey? You gotta go to one of them gyp joints? Lissun, I says, I’m as loose with my jack as the next bimbo, but they'll be playin’ me for a sucker just about the time they elect Wayne Wheeler Mayor of New York. Think you're tellin’ me a fast one, don’t you, I says, when you blows your horn about always feedin’ at swell dives? A hot sketch you musta piped me off as, I says! Where you think I was born, in a nut factory? I got my ear uncurled while I was still teethin’, I says, an’ a swell chance you got! How big was the fish that got away? I knew you when, I says. Lissun, I says, if a waiter handed you a napkin you'd think he was expectin’ you to take a bath. I'll blow my roll when I get damn good an’ ready, I says, an’ I don’t mean maybe! You ain't the only shemale in the world, I says. Maybe I ain't no sheik, but at that I know more telephone num- bers than Central. Yeah, I says, or Information, too. On your way, babe, I says. If I ain't good enough for you whyn't you call up the Prince of Wales an’ sce if he’s dated up for the evenin’? It’s the Automat or nothin’, I says. “Imagine! Her tryin’ to get me to cart her to Childs’.” Tip Bliss. Very Likely “Dont you suppose she’s exag- erating her bank account?” “Yes, she’s probably overdrawn it a good deal.” EXT week—the big event of the year, the CHRISTMAS NUMBER, with a cover by COLES PHILLIPS. Order your copy NOW! Life ew and hnproved for with erpiece Receivers. containing—1 UX 112 power tube. 200A detee- 1 UX tor tube and 3 UX 201A amplifying Glightly Higher Denver mee Be mi ‘West and Canada set in which they are shipped, tested for the old by Authorized Freshman Dealers. This wonderful radio, in its handsome genuine ma- hogany cabinet, opens the door to the world’s finest entertainment—operas—dance music—lec- tures—sports of all kinds; just take your pick. It is easy to tunewith its three distinct controls, while the large cone speaker, built rightin the cabinet, gives you plenty of volume and good, clear, true-toned reception. Sold on Convenient Terms by Authorized Freshman Dealers Write for new 48 page book illustrating and describing the entire li FRESHMAN MASTERPIECE Receivers and other shoareina. Tre'tee, Cus. Fresuman Co., Inc. Bienes tutte ncago Operates by Electricity This new QUALITY set fs so designed to operate from your light socket by installing the new Fresh- man “ABC” Power Supply. Worlds Greatest Radio/ er con comicbooks.com