Life — November 4, 1926 — page 32: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

“DOES YOUR MOTHER ALLOW THAT GIRL OVER THERE TO PICK YOUR FLOWERS?” “WHY—THAT'S MOTHER.” At Least Sane Estier was ten and was accustomed to use high-sounding phrases. One day her mother was ill. In the evening a neighbor came to inquire, and asked Esther: “What in the world is the matter with Mother?” “Well,” replied the lofty Esther, “she’s got a headache and a cold and I don't know what else, but we think she is all right mentally."—Indianapolis News. The Old Homer Town Here is another schoolboy howler, from Dean Inge’s “Lay Thoughts”: “The isles of Greece were always quarrelling about the birthplace of Homer. Chaos has the best right to claim him.” —Putnaam Book News. “Hetp! Help! A burglar just stole the police dog!"—Toronto Goblin. Jealousy “JUST AS I YEARED—HE Loves aNoTHER!” —Le Ruy Blas (Paris). —Séndagsnisse-Striz (Stockholm). Wife: May 1 Go out ror THE EVENING? Husband: vrs, piease. —Smith's Weekly (Sydney). Look Around Now and Choose Your Parents Extract from the official Assembly Schedule of the University of Virginia Summer Quarter: “Wednesday—Dr. Robt. L. Ramsay: How to Be 'a Born Story-Writer.” —American Mercury. Business and Pleasure “Bestvess is business,” said the cold- blooded man, “Yes,” replied the partner who was leaving the works at eleven a. x. “But don't forget this: Golf is golf.” —Washington Star. “Hear about the scandal in Illinois?” “No, who was elected now?” —Cornell Widow. Ir would also help if we had the gift of secing others as they see themselves. —Boston Herald. On with the Ball Wrrn the fall influx of travelers and its consequent hotel rush, a recent bride- groom has related his most disconcerting experience. Returning to the city with his wife, he betook himself to one of New York's largest and most fashionable hotels, He had wired for aceommnoda- tions. To the young man’s discomfiture the hotel management had failed to receive his wire. No room would be available until morning. Meanwhile, it being al- ready midnight, the tired travelers in- sisted emphatically that the hotel provide temporary quarters. “We have only the ballroom,” ex- plained a desperate clerk, “but a bed could be put up there.” Twenty minutes later husband and wife entered the ballroom. There in the very middle of the floor, just beneath the magnificent and brilliantly lighted crystal chandelier, had been placed a bed. Feeling about as secluded as they would have felt in the middle of Times Square, the unhappy pair forthwith donned their raiments de nuit. “Now, dear,” gested the wife, “put out the light.” Whereupon began a fruitless search for the button to extinguish the crystal chandelier. Sallying pajama-clad int the hall, the frantic husband hailed a passing waiter. Would he put out the light? “Sorry, sir,” explained the waiter, “but the same switch controls your cl delier and the one in the banquet hell next door. And it just happens there's a stag dinner on there to-night.” Miserably, in floods of brightest light, husband and wife climbed into bed, after first opening the great French window to let in some air. This last move, how- ever, proved most unfortunate, fur the sudden fierce draught from outdoors blew open the wide doors into the ad- joining banquet hall, thus revealing to the latter’s some fifty merry stags a wild-eyed young couple brilliantly il- luminated in their bed in the middle of a ballroom.—New Yorker. A Big Event “Pasion ante wedding, eh?” “Special wire into the church.” —Louisville Courier-Journal. Force of Habit The Hunter (a professional photogra- pher): Now—von’r Move. —Le Journal (Paris). comicbooks.com