Life, 1926-09-30 · page 7 of 36
Life — September 30, 1926 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains two pieces: 1. **"The Dean's Speech to the Freshman Class"** by Arthur M. Sherwood, Jr. - A humorous monologue where a college dean addresses new students, warning them not to indulge their "infantile ways" or expect sympathy for academic failures. The accompanying cartoon shows a tiny man struggling with a massive "Professional Football," illustrating the dean's point about inflated expectations. 2. **"A Poor Provider"** - A brief dialogue between two characters, Eliza and Mandy, discussing Eliza's husband's inability to find work, suggesting economic hardship. 3. **"College from a Freshman's Eye View"** - A cartoon showing two tall columns of identical freshmen faces viewed from above, with one confused freshman at the bottom, satirizing the overwhelming conformity and standardization of college life and freshman orientation.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
Life The Dean’s Speech to the Freshman Class (ds He Undoubtedly Would Like to Deliver It) G NTLEMEN—and I thus address you, appear- inces to the contrary notwithstanding: You have recently emerged from the restraint and discipline of preparatory school, nursing in your callow cerebral cavitics a so-called idea that, once in college, you would find these conditions replaced by an atmosphere of wel- come insouciance, commonly described as “collegiate.” The worst of it is that, in spite of my grimmest efforts, you will find just that. "| invite you, therefor your infantile ways, in- dulge in your childish ac ies, and see if I care. It is no skin off my left frontal brain lobe, I assure you. But when it comes to expecting sympathy from my office, should academic disaster overtake you, I have but one observation to make: try and get it! As you come to know me and my staff of hous dicks a bit bet- ter, you will en- tertain towards us but one — simple sentiment. You will be — scared stiff. Let me add that, in the cases of many of you, so was your old man. I have now been giving my lifelike imperson- ation of the sword of Damocles among these shades for more years than you have hairs on vcads combined with your upper lips; and as yet we never given a freshman an even break. » You can't win. Two hundred and seventeen proctors, four assistant deans and I myself, personally, are sworn to get you—dead or alive. You can carry that stim- ulating thought with you as you embark on your college carers, As this is my evening to play progressive euchre at Protvssor Astigmat's, I will ask that you file rapidly out, tefr:ining from tripping over your inferiority complexes as you go. thank you. How MUCH INFLATION WILL IT STAND? Arthur M. Sherwood, Jr. A Poor Provider E IZA: Ah hear you-all’s left yo’ husband, Mandy. Is it true? Mainpy: It sure is, Eliza. Dat nigger was so shift- College less he couldn't find enough washin’ to keep me busy. FROM A FRESHMAN’S-EYE VIEW. comicbooks.com