Life — September 23, 1926 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Life 7 Wasted Effort Women at Their Worst OR months, traffic had bumped F over planks and through holes, but now all this had been fixed. The id sheet of new asphalt had just been rolled and, after a few hours of hardening, would be opened to trafic. No block on the Avenue had so perfect a pavement. It was immaculate. In» room across the street, a con- ference was just ending. For the last six weeks, three public utilities had been watching the completion of the street. Each felt it would en- hance its reputation if it could be the first to tear up the new pave- ment to lay some pipes. To decide who should have this privilege, the conference had been called. Im- passioned speeches had been made by the president of each company. President A., in summing up, said: “It is two months now since we had anything to tear up but some dirty old streets over by the river. We want a new pavement in a busy but exclusive neighborhood where the right sort of people will notice us. This is lovely here.” President B. thought this argu- ment most undemocratic. He said: “It is the spirit behind the work that counts. Now, our company is entirely disinterested, but our public expects to find us tearing up some part of the Avenue and we really cannot disappoint it. This perfect pavement represents an ideal to our company.” President C. sneered: “Ha, ha! You don't deserve to get a good street. You who had a permit to close one side of Brooklyn Bridge for thirty days and then went and opened it in twenty-five days. Waste- ful. vou are.” ” ; Eleven ballots were taken. Each company secured one vote on cach QH And this is little Leora. ballot. In view of the deadlock, the She's only six but what a clever conference decided to adjourn until child! Everybody tells me I simply next morning. must put her in the movies. ‘Turn Just then a rumble and a hissing your head, Leora, so the gentleman drowned out all other sounds. The Can sce your profile. three presidents ran to the window. (Leora’s profile is exhibited.) ‘Two swooned and the third burst You: Astounding! into t at the sight that met their Sune: She dances beautifully and eyes. A city water main had burst — sings and plays the harp and recites and the beautiful new pavement was already in pieces. James Shearer, 2nd. hundreds of pieces from memory and swims and dives ‘and drives a car and sp F 's fluently and gives imitations. Give an imi- tation of Pola Negri, ducky. (Leora oblige You: Superb! Yes, indeed, we've spent thousands on her education. Do your Swan Dance for the gentleman, Leora. Mother will hum the music. (Leora goes into her dance.) You: It’s unbelievable. Sue: You see, she inherits it from my side of the family. My great- aunt’s cousin, Leora, was one of the most famous actresses in the western part of South Carolina. Perhaps you'd like to hear Leora r e “The Modern Ballads Shooting of Dan McGrew”? The Bootlegger’s Song (Leora prepares to whoop it up.) IN, sir? Or Scotch or ry You (rising to leave): I'd rather Here’s peach and cherry sce her do a little sword-swallowing brandy... or fire-eating. Here’s Bacardi that’s dandy, Robert Lord. Your thirst I can supply. ; . Innocents at Home Here's Bourbon, old and fine, AP: What did you think of the Here's apricot likure Venas deXlil That's absolutely pure; Sar: I _ How are you fixed for wine? sure would like to have that for my car's radiator cap. I've claret by the quart, Bordeaux and light sauterne; To make a maid's cheeks burn, Here’s ruddy Spanish port. Name what you want here! Fit for the smartest tables; See, see, the pretty labels! Nor are the prices dear. I plead beyond endurance? The Hennessy, three-starred ? Thanks! Thanks!...My broth- er’s card— (He'll sell you life insurance). Henry William Hanemann. A DD Secrets of Success—An ounce of pretention is worth a ton of . servility. Charity comicbooks.com