Life — July 22, 1926 — page 30: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Large Lady: xo. ME 'USBAND AIN'T NEVER RAISED ‘18 ’AND AGAINST ME IN ANGER. Small Lady: wcewy Circumstances Alter, Etc. Sur was a little stenographer for a broker in the Wall Street district. He was cranky most of the time—hardly civil to her. She stood it as long as she could; then resigned and got a job as a chorus girl in a Broadway musical show. One night, just before the performance was over, the stage-doorman handed her a note signed by the broker. It said: “How about a spin through the park and a couple of hours at a night club —New York Evening World. Round in 3,264 A maw who had grown suddenly rich was going round the Walton Heath golf course, accompanied by his wife. He got into a bunker, and after his forty- seventh shot his wife said, “If yer go on like this, every one’ll think ye're workin’ 'ere."—London Daily Express. Unfortunate Affability “Wnat did you say to the Judge?” “I said ‘Good morning.” “He couldn't take offense at that.” “He did. I sounded so genial and familiar that he took it for granted I was an old offender.”— Washington Star. Add Similes I loved her, and she had gone away. So I wrote, “Will you marry me?” And she replied, “I've got about as much use for a husband as a confession magazine has for a girl named Dais; ‘ew Orleans Times-Picayune. “The lady that works for George Green visited with Mrs, William Bitgood Friday after- noon."—Norwich, Conn,, Evening Record. Coutn it have been Mrs. Green? —New York World. wor's ‘1s ‘onsy THEN? —London Opinion. RECOGNITION X MAS BEEN DECORATED? WItAT For?” “INVENTOR OF NATURAL PERFUMES FOR AR- TIFICIAL FLOWERS.” —L'Illustration (Paris). Telephone Your Order Voce (over telephone) :—and a dozen bottles of near beer. “What?” “Beer, beer.” “Pears?” “No, beer.” “T can't understand you.” “Beer, as in—— ‘For Lycidas is dead, dead ere his prime, Young Lycidas, and hath not left his peer. Who would not sing for Lycidas? Ie knew Himself to sing, and build the lofty rhyme. , He must not float upon hit WATERY BIER——’” “And you want flowers sent?” “Yes, pick out a nice big funeral piece.” What shall I do with it?” “Hang it around your neck!" —Harcard Lampoon The Professional Eye ‘Two cloak-and-suiters joined the group of avid sightseers in front of the pictures of none too overdraped girls in front of the Winter Garden the other morning. They scanned the photos expertly for a few minutes and then one of them singled out the central picture. “That,” he told his companion excit- edly, “looks exactly like our Number 3-B model!” —Morning Telegraph—Running Horse. The Timid Soul “Titey say he’s a kind-hearted fellow.” “Yes, He even goes to a cheap restau- rant so that he can give the waiter a good tip."—Smith’s Weekly (Sydney). Wrrovrt exception, all shots rim the cup on the 19th hole.—Detroit News. Kindly Old Dear (to careless pedestrian who has stepped into a coal-hole): oxt¥ ONE LEG? THERE'S SIXPENCE FOR YOU, MY POOR FELLOW. BUT, REALLY, YOU KNOW, YOU OUGHT NOT TO BE SITTING ABOUT ON THAT COLD PAVEMENT! —Leo Cheney, in The Passing Show (London). comicbooks.com