Life — June 17, 1926 — page 34: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Our Foolis mtemporaries Bobby's Idea Some little boys don’t know what they are going to do when they grow up. Bobby does know. He's go- ing to be a doc- ese tor, Thus, when he is found with his ear against a door and they tell him it is very naughty to listen in that manner, he answers, “I'm not listening; I'm just practicing aus- cultation |” —Marcel Arnac, in Le Journal (Paris). Menckeniana At a conservative estimate, there is one new Mencken story every week. An old one which dates from the time when H. L, was editor of the Smart Set has recently been uncovered. An aspiring young poetess posted to Mencken a poem in an envelope from her personal sta- tionery, which was scented. By return mail the verse came back with the fol- lowing rejection: “Your poetry is awful, but your per- fume is superb."—New Yorker. His Thought on the Matter Durinc a recent Metropolitan Opera matinee in Atlanta, a local business man asked another in the lobby: “Have you the time?” “Well, I really haven't,” was the an- swer, “but I feel it my duty to be here to help boost our city.” —Musical Courier, The Irrepressible You-All Soutuexn Tourist: Where are you- all from, fella? Nortitery Same: Oh, I’m all from home, Colonel.—Colorado Dodo. Son of the House: TELL ME, ARE YOU 1N- VITED OUT THIS EVENING, MARIE? Marie (expectantly): No...81®. “THEN PERHAPS THERE’S A CHANCE OF MY GETTING CALLED AT SEVEN IN THE MORNING.” —Klods-Hans (Copenhagen). “Aut Scissors aut Nullus” Demobilization (“Perambulators are replacing artillery.” —Polish dispatch). Retitven of all their late alarms, Say reassuring cablegrams, In Poland now the babes in arms Have peacefully resumed their prams. —Chicago Daily News. Not So Long Ago Wuo_ remembers when a couple of months abroad qualified the traveler for twenty-five lecture dates back home, with stereopticon slides?—Detroit News. “Aunt Eprt, what is a confession?” “Gossiping about yourself, my dear.” —Boston Transcript. ‘ET BENEATH HER PETTICOAT LIKE LITTLE MICE STOLE IN AND OUT, AS IP THEY FEARED THE LIGHT.” SIR JOHN SUCKLING (1630). —New Masses. Ding-a-Ling !! Rapio Expert (just awakened by loud noise from telephone): Radio Shop. Voice: Hello, we're holding a dance to radio music on that set I bought of you last week. “Well?” “I want to know which dial to turn to make it play faster.” —Science and Invention. Untrustworthy “Do you believe in divorce?” “Not any more,” answered Miss Cayenne. “Some of the most famous divorces of late have resulted in rec- onciliations."—Washington Star. The Striker’s Ideal From an advertisement — “Wanted, Cook-General...every Sunday and week- day ou Cambridge Granta, Writ, anyway, the frane is good to the last drop—New York World, “I DON’T BELIEVE IN A WOMAN'S GOINU TO A RESTAURANT BY HERSELF.” “BECAUSE OF CONVENTION ?” “NO, BECAUSE SHE HAS TO PAY, HER CHECK.” : —Le Ruy Blas (Paris). Ingratitude, Thou Marble-Hearte] Fiend! Tue best comment we ever heard on “King Lear” is the story told of a ma- tronly lady in a private box who, after the scene between the demented king and his daughter, Goneril, turned to another matronly lady and said, in tones that could be heard all over the theatre: “Rather an unpleasant family, these Lears!"—St. Lowis Globe-Democrat, We Have Another Engagement Srortinc note in a Renton (Wash.) paper—"The Renton Gun Club will hold another shoot this Sunday at their traps on Smithers Field. The shooting will start at about nine o'clock and will con- tinue as Jong as any one is left to shoot.” —Literary Digest. So There Was Proressor (at an informal student- prof. session): Well, it seems there was an absent-minded professor who—who— let's see, what was I starting to say? —Cincinnati Cynic, “Are you fond of dancing?” “I hop to tell you!” —Cornell Widow, “AND HOW WILL YOU MAVE HIM CLIPPED, Lapy ?” “WITH A BOYISH BOB, OF coURSE.” —Le Rire (Paris).