Life — January 7, 1926 — page 16: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SLEEPLESS HOLLOW THE HEADLESS HORSEMAN HAS GIVEN PLACE TO THE HEADLESS DRIVER. December A curious feeling in the ankle which is not yet 14th healed of its sprain set me this morning to investigating, and Lord! I do believe I did crack off a small piece of bone without knowing it, so I did say to Sam, There seems to be something loose rattling round in my foot, whereto he rejoined, In your foot? but he did nevertheless make an appointment with an X-ray specialist, and should I have to go to all the holiday parties with a bulging, bandaged ankle it will be more than I can bear. Nor was I cheered further by reading in the publick prints that twenty-five years ago this day a good pair of all-wool blankets could be had for four dollars and a fine silk um- brella for three. And when I did read Heywood Broun’s account of how, hav- ing worked like a dog and made all sorts of sacrifices for over a year to reduce his weight, nobody marked his svelteness and one man had even said, Why, you're thin as a rail—what's been the trouble? I did weep a little at first over the asperities of existence, "and then admonished Marge Boothby over the telephone that she might as well give up, and come forth with me for minestrane and spaghetti. But I did also read that a great dinner was given last night to a Mr. Strauss at which not a speech was made, and I do set down note of it as a great step in the onward march of local civilization. Marge come for me, and whilst I was doing on my raiment, a package was brought in which I made at once for to open, M. berating me for disregarding its warning Christmas seal, but I said, How now! Why not know the worst at once? Whereupon there was disclosed, with Valina Griggs’s card, one of the handsomest lace and embroidered table cloths that ever I saw in ny life, and Marge quoth, Aren't you ashamed of yourself? which I indeed was. At cards this evening, during which Sam, whose no-trump bids are extremely weak, asked once, Here I go no-trumps, and, with all those diamonds, you don't OQSGGLEOD | This Is National Laugh Month “Everybody knows there has been a great decrease in drinking since Prohibition." —U. S. Senator Willis take me out—what did I marry you for, anyway? But something must be done to cure him. Denke Ida Reynolds in to see me too betimes, forasmuch as 15th a great zeal to have my house quite in order by the end of the year hath seized me, and I was going through bags and boxes and bureau drawers in a fine frenzy, shutting my eyes and commanding my servant Florence to cast away articles which I have been hoarding for years, but Lord! of what use will lace blouses and discarded purses, however hand- some, ever be to me again, or old photographs insufficiently comic to be used for entertainment purposes? When I had done, little remained to me save my first pair of kid gloves and my prom dress, and I could listen with composure to Ida, who was all agog to get to the soothsayer whom Marge and I visited, she being highly desirous of finding out approximately how long she is going to live through a desire to spend some of her capital now rather than hoard it against an old age which she may never have. But I would not divulge the address of the oracle, Ida being zany enough to take anything she might wish to believe too seriously and go forth to exchange good preferred stocks for ephemeral furs and steamship tickets, whereupon she quit me in some dudgeon. Then the window cleaner in, and whilst I was quietly regarding him and musing what meagre material for copy he represented, he did turn about and ask me if I had gone last night to see “Lysistrata,” with which the Russian players opened their season. And whilst I, a bit panicky, was won- dering if he possibly could have got loose from some institution, he as- sured me that he had been present, and he did give me a fine account of what had gone forward. So now I shall never again be surprised at any- thing, a state which I suppose I should have reached long since, however dull the possibilities of a woman to whom all things are inevitable, as Michael Arlen said....To the playhouse this night to see “A Man's Man,” a play so close to life that a few fools in the audience laughed nervously at its more pathetic moments, and I was for having the ushers throw them out, but Sam re- strained me. Baird Leonard. comicbooks.com