Life — December 25, 1925 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CHRISTMAS EVE THE MAN NENT DOOR HAS JUST DROPPED A COLLAR BUTTON. How to Be Chummy with Great and Near-Great HABITUALLY call the President “Cal.” I should never think of accosting our most famous film actress except as “Mary,” and her husband, naturally, is “Doug” to me, The Governors of New York and Texas are invariably “Al” and “Ma.” With casy disregard of that truculent gaze and the swelling biceps of that terrible right, I nonchalantly hail Mr. William Harrison Dempsey as “Jack.” Nor is my circle of acquaintance re- stricted to prizefighters, screen celeb- rities and politicians. It extends well up into the social register—particularly to its more rancid sections. People whose faces are familiar throughout the nation you will hear me hail as “Fifi” or “Mathilde” or “Ganna.” No, I'm not a celebrity myself. I merely write newspaper headlines. Ted Olson. HHILOSOPHY A-1—Faculties will happen in the best of colleges.” “CALM YOURSELF, HENRY! THOSE AREN'T CHRISTMAS PRESENTS—THEY'RE Just ¢. 0, D.’s.” Sartorial Dilemma Scene: The “sitting-room” in Buck- ingham Palace. H. R. H. the Prince of Wales enters in a bathrobe and a state of agitation. PRINCE: Ma! Pa! I can’t find my pants to my Tuxedo! Queen Mary: Lando’ love! Where'd you have 'em last? Kine Grorce: On his legs, prob'ly. Heh, heh, heh! Queen: Shet up, Pa, this here is serious, He's got t’ go t’ the social at the Epworth League t’night, an’ it'll be a dress-up affair. Dave, you sure they ain't hangin’ on the hook? Prince: I looked everywhere, Ma. My brown suit’s there, an’. the pair white flannels I bought to go to Amur- rica a year so ago, but my Tuxedo pants ain't anywhere. Now I'll have t’ go t’ the social in my ole clothes an’ all the fellers ‘Il point at me an’ laugh, an’ I just know what May Stevenson ‘Il say, she'll say we can’t afford t— Queen: Now, Dave, I’m sure you got just as many clothes, yes, an’ just as nice ones as anybody in our circum- stances; yes, an’ there's those I could mention ain't dressed so good. Now you jest ca’m down an’ tell mé where you had them pants last. Prince: Lemme see. 'Twasn't in India, because I had my uniform on in India, with the stripes down the side; must of been after I come home. | know! It was the night we went to the theayter an’ sat in the box las’ spring. (The King starts guiltily.) Queen: What's the matter, Pa? Kin I—well—I_ just remembered something, that’s all. T’ tell the truth, Ma, I guess the joke’s on me. I—I— well, I borried them pants 0’ Dave's t’ wear t’ the Elks’ smoker an’—an’ I guess I fergot t’ return "em. I—I guess they're in my bureau right now. Queen: I never did see such a man. All right, Pa, I'll speak to you later about this, when we're alone! Dave, you run right upstairs and get dressed. An’, Pa, you get out the ironin’ board an’ that new-fangled Amurrican elec- tric iron, an’ you press them pants! Tip Bliss. Tragedy For ten years they lived happily and the future was rosy. Then they learned to play bridge. She has resumed her maiden name. comicbooks.com