Life — August 27, 1925 — page 25: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Selling Centerville The Hundred Percenter Abroad Paris, Fr. UNJURE (good day), Jeff: Here I am in the la gay Parce, as they say, Jeff, and everything is “jake” again, and the “Mrs.” don't refer to that accident I had with the pro-war Scotch whisky in Glasgow more than a couple or maybe 3-4 times a day. 1 am on the wagon for life, Jeff, or at least I am going to get on when I leave Paris, but everybody here drinks wine and things and there is a old adverb about when you are in Rome you should do like the Romans do, and of course this is not Rome, but it means the same thing. I have certainly been “cutting up” here, but then, as I always say, a man is only young once, so he might as well have a good time. Well, the first night we got here, the “Mrs.” and this Jas. S. Collins's “Mrs.” wanted to go to the Opera, but thank G—, the Opera was not running, so what did we do but go to the Follies Bare Jair instead. Well, I do not know what ir” means in French, but 1 will take their word for it, because everything else in the show was pretty bare. Ha, ha, Jeff! Well, we could not stay but only about 15 mins., because right after the curtain went up both the “Mrs.”s said they had headaches and would have to go right home, and this was after Jas. S. Collins and I had spent a lot of franks on the tickets. So to-night the “Mrs."s are both going to visit with some people at the hotel from Camden, Ohio, and Collins and I are going back to the Follies Bare Jair and explain to the man on the door how we did not see but only about 15 mins. of the show before, and maybe he will give us free tickets. I have bought some postal cards, too, Jeff, but “the less said about them the better,” and when I come home to Centerville I will show them to you, and they will “knock your eyes out.” Now, Jeff, I wish you would go up to the Chamber of Commer and tell Prest. Gus that I have been too busy here in Paris to do much about “selling Centerville,” like he told me to, and even if I tried to “sell Centerville” to these Fr. people they would not know what I was talk- ing about. And anyway, we want to be pretty exclusive about who we take in at Meadowbrook Extension and the Fr, are nothing but foreigners any way you look at it. And besides if they came to the THE FEMININE TOUCH “COS, MARY, WHAT'RE YOU TRYING TO DO? UPSET US?” “I’M ONLY ROCKING BABY TO SLEEP.” ODT 6 Gana The Wife: tuere! 1 told you Not To WEAR THOSE BALLOON PANTS ON A WINDY DAY. their cars the way the taxi drivers drive their taxis, why pretty soon everybody would become extinct, because these taxi drivers have all been disappointed in love or something and are trying to commit suicide and they are scared to drive alone. I told that to this Jas. S, Collins, and he said, Well, it don't make any difference to me because I have been disappointed in love, too. So I said, But you are married. And he , H. , don't I know it. He said, That is the point, and if your brains was a parade it would take them all day to pass a given point. He thinks he is a wise cracker, Jeff. This weck we are going to the battle fields, and then we are going into Switz. and It. and then we are coming home, I guess good old Centerville will not look good to me. That is meant to be sarcastic, Jeff, because it will look good to me, and you will find your old friend has not been spoiled by his long and interesting travels but is just the same good old Democratic hale fellow he always was. It is too bad you could not have come, too, Jeff, but probably you would not know how to appreciate it. So oh revore, which means good-by, and shows I am picking up the language fast. Sam. (per Tip Bliss.) Campus Fairy Story ONCE there was a college graduate who, when asked what he expected to do, did not say he expected to go into the bond game, the advertising game or the automobile game. comicbooks.com