Life — August 20, 1925 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AX American expert has been teach- ing the British aristocracy how to play the ukulele, That's one way of getting back at them for sending us those Oxford bags. L Our Bureau of Missing Wars reports that the Greco-Bulgar conflict has at last been located on page 11 of the morning papers, right next to the spot where the crossword puzzles used to appear. L The Chinese Civil War is still reported missing, but our Bureau is now con- ducting a vigorous investigation of the Dead Letter Office, and hopes to issue a bulletin soon. LL A farm machine has been invented which does the work of thirty-two men. This is the first intimation we've had that there were that many farmers left. L Dayton, Tenn. has resumed its normal position on the re- ceiving end of the radio. aL As the Mayor of Herrin, Illinois, said to the Mayor of Dayton, Tennessee, “It's a long time between publicity booms.” LL It is reported that the “true” style of fiction is dying out, but we fear that this is too good to be true. L “Roxy” of the radio has re- tired from the broadcasting business, which is a graceful way of giving his competitors the air. L With Roxy absent, tempo- rarily, from the ether, “What shall we do with Sunday evening?” becomes again the gravest problem confronting the American people to-day. Coal strikes have threatened in Great Britain, Germany and the United States, proving that both sides in the late world conflict are now back on a pre-war basis. LL The veteran who is hiking from Swampscott to the American Legion Convention in Oklahoma with a letter from President Cootince appears at least to have a correct impression of our mail service. LL Motorists of the United States use nine billion gallons of gasoline each year, or 79 per cent. of the world’s supply. More than half of this quantity is burned driving around to find a place to park. L There is nothing hali-way about Henry Forv. While other manufacturers HAT HAVE YOU GOT TO SAY FOR YOURSELF?” “YOUR HONOR, PLEASE DON'T THINK 1'M A CROOK. 1S JUST A TEST CASE, I ROBBED THE APARTMENT MERELY TO CLARIFY PUBLIC OPINION ON THE BURGLARY LAW.” THIS were outfitting their cars with balloon tires, he was teaching his how to fly. LL The New York, New Haven & Hart- ford Railroad is raising its prices on commutation ticket books. They're get- ting out a de luxe edition for biblio- philes, probably, L The Prince or Wates, on his return from South Africa, will spend a few quiet weeks with home folks in the old country. In spite of this, the r gravure section editors aren't worry ing; the annual beauty contest is to be held in Atlantic City next week. L We suppose that the Prince has to go back to England every so often to get his sample case refilled. Bedtime Story NCE there was a Statesman who decided that a New Era had come. “Illiteracy has vanished irom the land,” he said. “The people are now enlightened. Bunkum is as obsolete as the thirty-cent dinner. Henceforth I shail tell them only the Truth.” So, when he came up for re- election, he made no extrava- gant promises. He told them that business was bad and he didn't know how to make it any better. He told them that he had voted for laws that he now le- lieved were rotten. He told them that taxes would have to be raised and that no millen- nium was in sight. But he added that he would do all that a normally intelli- gent person could do to improve conditions, His opponent got the biggest plurality in history. Bertram Bloch comicbooks.com