Life — August 6, 1925 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

> LIFE 9 Sacred Reading (Schedule of a Man Who Goes Through a Sunday Paper Looking for the Story Which Began on Page 1) Se /DAY 9 a, M.—Slips on bathrobe and prepares to glance over paper for about ten minutes before taking wife to church, 9:10 a. M.—Discovers snappy front-page story filled with co-respondents, raids, silk underwear, lawyers whose op- ponents are bencath their contempt-of-court, recriminations and alimony, Finds story is continued column 7, page 38, section 16, Business and Plastic Art Division. Wants to see what happens before shades are pulled down in faces of Prominent Toms, peeping for the plaintiff. Begins to scurry through paper looking for column 7, page 38, section 16, Business and Plastic Art Division. 10 a. M.—Still scurrying through. Forgets what story he was looking for and plunges back into huge pile for Main News Section. Cannot find Main News Section. Recalls underwear after racking brain, but cannot remember whether it was continued column 7, page 38, section 16, or column 7, page 16, section 38. Scurries on, vaguely aware of feeling troubled. 10:30 a. m.—Still scurrying through. Troubled feeling increases as he discovers that he is looking for page 16, section 7, column 38. Knows this must be wrong and dives back into discards after Main News Section. Can- not find Main News Section. Wife enters on way to church. Shouts at her, “Where is that !#$%&!$#! '$=&! Main News Section? Nev’ min'! Go ‘long! I'll catch up with you!” Continues scurrying through. 11:15 a. M.—Still scurrying through. In far corner of room under couch finally finds Main News Section. Cries out joyfully. Cannot recall why he wanted it. Reads all of first page and finds lost story. Gives glad grunt. 11:45 a. M.—Still scurrying through. on page 24, section 17, Real Estate and Cook Book Reviews Division, icle which says corner at 218th Strect and Broadway just sold to a big syndicate for half-million dollars. Recalls could have bought that corner for $17.50 and Pauses to spend the $499,982.50 he would when he grates teeth. YOU FISH FOR A LIVING? “vest “IT MUST BE FINE TO LEAD A LIFE OF RECREATION.” City Man: (STONE WALLS DO Noy A PRISON Gooe ev! Fee gs Third Termer: 13 THAT so! have made if he had purchased it then. Dreams pleasantly of crushing burden of great wealth. Snaps out of it and continues search. 12:30 p. w.—Still scurrying through. of unread sections and takes heart, 3:45 p. M.—Peruses last unread section furiously. Scans every column, “It must be there!" Turns to front page of section and discovers he is looking at Part IV, section 43, Radio Activity and Westchester News. Madly paws hack into drifts where entombed section must be. Digs down three feet and begins to weaken. 4:20 r. Tries cloudily to recall what it is all about, and fails, Is furious. Hates all publishers. Hates Sunday papers. Hates Gutenberg for inventing the damned printing pres: Sunday 4:40 p, st. to Monday 7:30 a, «.—Recovers some- what from scurrying through. Week of hard work restores him to physical strength and gives him usual bright, hopeful outlook on life. Greets paper following Sunday with undiminished enthusiasm. Weed Dickinson. A True Fairy Tale WOLF at the Door! —But at what a Door! At the Door of an Efficiency Man! “Opportunity knocks but once,” cried the latter, deftly throwing a lasso around the animal, and tying the end of the rope to a stake at his doorstep. After that the Creditors came, but the Wolf howled so Jong and loud that they all ran away, thus giving the Efficiency Man ample time to mend his Shattered Finances, This done, the Efficiency Man shot the Wolf, made a Wolf Stew for all his little ones, and sold the Wolf's Hide at a fabulous price as genuine Unborn Otter. Cyril B. Egan, Can see over pile At least, the trial in Dayton has given a new meaning to the term, The Solid South. comicbooks.com