Life — July 9, 1925 — page 15: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Lire’s BRASS MEDAL OF THE FOURTH CLASS IS THIS WEEK CONFERRED UPON WILLIAM JENNINGS BRYAN Crration: He has successfully demonstrated that by the alchemy of ignorance hot air may be transmuted into gold, and that the Bible is infallibly inspired except where it differs with him on the questions of wine, women and wealth. Letters of a Modern Father Y pear Son: I was glad to get your letter tell- ing me you had decided to resign your position with the bond house and open an office of your own. You have all the equipment needed by the suc- cessful business man of to-day. By habit you are secure against the error of getting to your office before eleven in the morning, and it will be no trouble for you to spend from two and a half to three hours at lunch, You have been ac- customed to luxurious sur- roundings, so I know you will have a rosewood desk and Oriental rugs in your office, provided you can get some store to trust you. Only one detail worries me. To be a success in business a man must have an indifferent girl in his outer office; you have never shown any interest in indiffer- ent girls, It is true that you know nothing of business, but in these days that is an ad- vantage rather than a handicap. The main essential is never to be in your office after four rp. M., and I am sure you will be able to take care of that. Your Arrectionate Fatner. P. S. Your mother thinks I had bet- ter continue your allowance for the Present, McCready Huston, “BUT THERE'S NO BALL TEED, OLD MAN.” “SAY—I'VE PLAYED THIS COURSE OFTEN ENOUGH To KNOW WHAT I CAN GO AROUND IN WITHOUT TAKING A CHANCE AT LOSING A BALL.” The Party Line ‘I SAYS to May Ellen when her beau an’ her fell out, ‘They’s lots bigger fish in th’ sea than ever was catched,’ an’ she sniffles, ‘What good’s thet to folks 1 inland?’ “It's flyin’ again’ Providence to be like th’ Widow Jones thet throws th’ empty tomato cans right under her sign, ‘Country Board— Strictly Fresh Vegetables.’ “Kate Ellery was in to ast th’ manager of th’ Bijou Dream Theatre not to spray thet perfume in his place no more, because her man allus tells her his coat got smellin’ thet way from goin’ to th’ pitchers, an’ she ain't so sure. “I hear Tom Stuke's simple son is tryin’ to learn his pop's flivver to come runnin’ to him when he whistles.” J.K.M. Pageant of Progress . “Looky, auto- * mobil Looky, horse!” ‘Looky, pedestrian!”