Life — June 4, 1925 — page 18: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

LIFE - The Gelska Cup By Ring Lardner (This was the prize college ploy at Gelska for the year 1925. Mt turned out to be a terrible flop.) CHARACTERS Dean Hussty or PHARMACAL Scroot Dean INGE Dean Corn watt Guncua Dean Coactt Poison or tHe Crew Patsy, a Toe Dancer THE tAutuor’s Note: The play as originally written had a lot of funny gags. For instance, the Weak- fish used to appear in the last act and the other characters asked him where he had been. He was supposed to say, “I have been here a week.” That was thrown out because the show lasted only one night. For another instance, in the last scene of the third act, Palsy and “Chub” Holt met one “Cuus” Hott Members or THE Crew A Weakrisu Co-eps, Vassar Gikts, Bettsoys, Domi- nies, Assistant Coaches, ETc Georce Creer another on the stage and did not talk for an hour. The audience seemed to think something ought to be said, and they said it. Palsy had what we thought was a great line, namely, “That just shows you,” but it came at a time when nobody was in condition to get it. Otherwise, the play reads as originally written.) Act 1 ironing board on the campus at A Gelska University. It is Class Day. Dean Hu. of the Phar- macal School and Dean Faltness of the Laundry School enter from opposite di- rections. They find that they are on the same ironing board and there is nothing that can be done. They cannot possibly pass cach other. They mee middle of the ironing board. Dean Hussey (Reading from his cuff.) Have you seen anything of “Chub” Holt? Dean Fatness “Chub” who? Dean Hussey I forget. Dean Fattness Have you? Dean Hussey No. No. (They both realize that neither of them has seen anything of “Chub” Holt. They exit, cach going out in the same direction he came from. They look as if they wished they had been cast for parts in some other play. The failure of the play depends on how they look.) Enp or Act I Act Il A lounge in the Alpha Delt Frater- nity House at Wrecking University. Wrecking University and Gelska Uni- versity are great rivals, though over ve miles apart. It is the annual Class Day custom to stage a boat race be- n the varsity crews. Coach Poison is making a final “pep” speech to the members of the Wrecking Crew, who are lying on individual divans in their life belts. They 4 to pay no atten- tion to their coach, but their facial ex- pression is such that you cannot be sure. One of them is absent. Coacu Porson (Reading from his cuff.) Men, I might give you a lot of elaborate instructions, but all I am going to tell you is to remember these three points—First: Row! Second: Row! And Third: Row! Numper Stx (Glancing toward the audience.) There's nobody in the first three rows. Coacn Poison (Remains apparently indifferent, but really feels it; looks for his other cuff, on which the balance of the “pep” speech had been jotted down; discovers that in the confusion of Class Day he has come away from his home on Maple Street with only the one cuff; is non- plused for a moment, then is the same old coach.) Men, I will add just a few words to those instructions — Fourth: Row! Fifth: Row! And Sixth: Row! (Number Six and the Coxswain both look out into the vacant auditorium but make no comment, ) Stroke Oar (Removing his life belt, as now seems safe.) Coach, have you seen anything of “Chub” Holt? Coacn Poison (After searching the campus.) No. Enp or Act II AcT Ill The Girls’ Dormitory at Gelska Uni- versity. Note: In most co-educational universities, the girls’ dormitory is where the girls sleep, but at Gelska they all have insomnia, so the dormitory is used as a sort of Pince Nez where they pbinch cach other's noses when they get mad. At rise of the curtain the three Gelska co-eds are sitting on individual divans apparently thinking of the time they were at Des Moines, or perhaps it was twice. Miss Jarre Do you remember the time we were in Des Moines? Miss Gorvon (Reading from her cuff.) Yes. (Continued on page 39) comicbooks.com